This one life…

I don’t post photos of myself often, but I love this one because one of my closest friends took it and it was taken in one of my closest friend’s home. That part makes me love it!

This last year has been a roller coaster of emotions and feelings for me. I’m someone who feels hard. When I am happy, I’m wildly happy and when I am sad, I try and honor that and just let those feelings work their own kind of magic.

 Feelings are so cool, right?

This summer my sweet sister had to have a life-saving operation to repair her cracked c1 and c2 vertebra. It was scary and upsetting and the weeks leading up to the surgery and after made me think hard about what matters most in life to me now.  Family and Friends and Faith were top of that list. Everything you own or think you want melts when you see someone you love confronted with such life altering decisions.

My sister is someone to know and love.

She lives about an hour away from me, so her friends did the bulk of caring for her prior to her surgery. She was unable to do anything for herself.  Her community support was something to witness. Three of her close friends, without hesitation, stayed with her for months around the clock. Caring for her in a way that honestly lifted my heart and spirit. The world we live in is messy and full of hard stuff, but seeing her friends care for her and watching them navigate this time, was awe inspiring. The surgery was here in Greenville, so I spent a lot of time with her in the ten days she was in the hospital. Seeing her determination to walk and live on her own again all while keeping her amazing humor in tack, just humbled me.

Geez, the simple things we all take for granted.

She was lucky. We had a great surgeon and team. And great care after the hospital with therapists and caregivers. We have a good friend from childhood who’s a retired nurse and her insights and knowledge were beyond helpful. I would even say her help saved my sister’s life.

I’m talking about you Tammy.

I will never ever get over the kindness of her caretakers. And I will never take the healthcare industry for granted again, ever. So many angels among us.

My sister is doing well. She’s living independently again. And the tough stuff is almost behind her.

I’ve often read that strong community and social connections are part of leading a long healthy life. Seeing that in action with my sister, well, it really was a great reminder. Like my sister, I’m blessed with a strong network of friends. I love them madly and they make me feel loved. Keeping close friends is work sometimes. It’s saying yes when you’d rather say no. It’s having deep conversations. It requires listening hard and most of all it requires time and trust.

The other great reminder and gift my sister gave me this summer is also simple.

Life is so short.

It can be taken from us in a heartbeat. So, love hard, see the beauty all around you, laugh every time you get a chance, don’t worry about the money, eat the ice cream, dance with wild abandon in your kitchen to music you love, take the trip, celebrate all of it, every single day.  

I hope you take some time today to honor your loved ones for all they have done and all they are willing to do. I hope you jump off Facebook, put on some music and just dance. Or call someone and tell them you love them. In a world of social injustices that rips at the seams of our souls, let’s remember the good people and things worth celebrating in our lives.

If you are reading this, know…

I love you madly…Robbin

On well being…

Today I went to the grocery store and while I was in the checkout line a magazine caught my eye. It was a Yoga Magazine. Across the front in great big bright blue bold letters was THE POWER OF WELL BEING. I think a lot about well-being. So, I casually tossed the magazine in my cart right on top of the ice cream sandwiches and half and half and sparkly water. Hard to explain how a real printed magazine can make you feel sometimes. It’s so much more intimate than just surfing down the strange rabbit holes of the internet. It calms me to read from a real magazine. And lately my body and heart have been seeking calm and comfort.

I suppose that seeking of calm and comfort also explains the ice cream sandwiches. (smiling)

As I was reading the first article in the magazine there was a suggestion at the end of it to write your PRESENT self a letter from your FUTURE self. Say from the year 2027. Five years from now.

Hmmmm. In 2027, I will be five years older than 64. You can do that math.

Just the thought of this letter thrilled me a wee little bit if I am being honest. What would my future self actually want to share with my present self?

Isn’t that just so simple and brilliant?

If you operate in the business world there’s lots of talk about three year plans and five year plans. Usually the word STRATEGIC is tossed in somewhere to amp up the pressure. But, I’ve never thought about what my future self might simply want to share with me RIGHT now. After all the big loving and living and dreaming I’ve done in my life, isn’t this a gentler way to think about and set some intentions for what might come next?

There is a quiet and calm urgency to living life in your sixties.

It’s very, very different than the urgency you feel in your twenties and thirties when you’re starting careers and families and finding your voice and purpose.

I write letters to myself often by the way. If you don’t, you really should make a practice of it. It’s so cool because these letters don’t have to make sense to any one but you. They are for your eyes only. There’s something freeing about writing letters to yourself. Sometimes I actually send mine in the mail. It’s a fun surprise to get them a few days later.

So tonight I’m going to eat an ice cream sandwich, take a really long bath and ponder what my 69 year old self (gulp) might have to share with my 64 year old self.

I can’t wait to get started.

And we can all thank a real “hold it in your hands” magazine for that big idea.

By the way, I love you madly. I’m pretty sure my future self would tell you all that. And actually tell ME that.

Isn’t that the essence of well being? To love your people and yourself, really, really well.

Change or die, Part 2.

Lucas, Logan and me.

Last night I was out eating dinner after my first ever Art Gallery Show (thank you Art & Light Gallery) and our conversation lead us to talk about “change”. I remembered this article I’d written many years ago, so I pulled it up online and reread it. I’ve copied and pasted it below in case you’re interested.

By the way, it was pretty cool to have friends and strangers pause and walk about and look at my art. Hard to explain really. I think the word I’m searching for is humbling. hmmm. Is that the word for it? Anyway…

Since I wrote that first piece about “change” a lot more change has happened in my life and in our world. My children are both out living and dealing with the highs and lows of their own lives, I sold a business I helped build and said goodbye to a career I adored. I completely renovated my house. I sold a building I helped lovingly restore in Greenville’s growing West Village. (By the way, if you live here go down there on a Friday night and enjoy some of the new places that have popped up like Bar Margret and The Rabbit Hole). I started walking and painting every single day. I lost my sweet mom (Do we ever get used to living without our moms?) We all pioneered our way through a world wide pandemic. I had a few more unexpected personal changes that rattled the seams of my soul. But something important has shifted for me. Somewhere in all the unpredictable-ness and unexpected-ness of life, I developed a new skill:

I just don’t get attached to outcomes anymore.

And it’s made me wildly happy. Not being attached to outcomes is so freeing. My new mantra is FREE. It’s kept me in the present moment. It’s made my relationships so much deeper and more meaningful. Especially the relationship I have with myself. It’s lead me to really focus on my spiritual growth. I’ve learned that no one or no thing can be the source of my happiness. I give no one, not even the cranky drivers who beep their horns before the light even turns green, permission to hurt me. I’ve learned that happiness is truly an inside job.

And I’m really good with that. Here’s to what’s next for all of us. And most of all here’s to this minute, this day, this one beautiful breath that is NOW.

P.S. If you’re reading this, know: I love you all madly.

This is the first painting I’ve ever sold! It’s titled “Have you ever hit your head so hard it hurt your feelings?” The bumps and bruises life tosses us can really hurt our feelings but they really do make us better people in the long run. This one was for you Lucas! Ha!

Change or die, Part 1 was first published on April 27th, 2015. That was over 7 years ago.

What if we could live our lives with a sureness that things often fall apart in order to make way for something even more remarkable?



Above: One of my favorite photos of Ramsey, Cordell, Mike and yours truly taken during one of Mike’s visits a couple of year ago. 

In 2004, Mike Goot, my business partner of many, many years looked me in the eye and said, “If this next election goes a certain way, Karen and I are leaving the country.” Mike and Karen were not happy with our country’s leadership, to put it mildly.

“Yeah, Yeah. Sure. Right.” I said.

I’ll never forget the call after the election when he told me he was serious and planning to take three months away (a sabbatical, who takes a sabbatical from marketing???) to explore his options. They were going to find another country to call home for a while. As we talked, I remember my hands — one of which was holding the phone — began to shake. I literally had to hold the phone with both hands. Mike, Greg Cordell and Greg Ramsey and I had weathered plenty of change in our business adventures before. Good change and bad change. But we’d always done it together. I knew from experience that all change can eventually lead to something better. But that night, after that call, I layed on the bed and wept.

Sobbed.

It was the end of an era.

And I was white knuckled scared.

Then something amazing happened. Over the next few days and weeks, even while I was sad and grieving the fact that Mike and Karen were going to leave and move to another country to start a new life, I also felt something inside of my soul come alive.

One of Mike’s famous lines was rolling around in my heart and head: “Change or die.” I was now standing face to face with that set of words and realized I/we/Brains on Fire wanted to LIVE.

I not only embraced change, I became a cheerleader for change.

I started driving to work a different way each day to break myself from do anything that smelled of routine.

Together and inspired by my two remaining partners — Greg Cordell and Greg Ramsey — we started talking about ALL the work we’d ever done over our careers. We started talking about what we loved, what we hated, what we admired. And most of all, what we’d love to do more of.

We loved naming and branding. Helping organizations find their soul, their voice.

Our decision to change wasn’t a long drawn out decision. It was quick painless one. Sometimes when you’re staring at a major change, you’re forced to act VERY quickly.

I see FORCED ACTION as one of the many gifts change brings.

Basically in one short, quiet conversation, we went from being a local marketing agency to being a national naming and branding company. In our hearts, where it matters most. We started studying successful companies who were doing remarkable branding and naming work.

Where were they showing up? How do they do what they do? What do they charge? We changed our website to reflect who we wanted to be.

And most importantly we changed our own vocabulary.

We were fueled with a desire to help others by doing something we absolutely loved.

After many years of doing business in a certain way, we were a start up again.

It felt amazing. And it worked. We started getting not just regional work, but national work. We entered competitions alongside national naming and branding firms. And we got noticed.

That day and that decision to embrace change led us to create a culture that actually welcomes change. In the last decade or so the world of marketing has experienced massive changes as shiny new technologies pop up every day and give organizations more ways to have a dialogue with and get closer to the people they serve.

Many agencies folded under the pressure to change and learn and adapt.

Brains on Fire chose to change again. We become the only Word of Mouth Marketing firm with roots in naming and branding, creating community and conversation for amazing organizations along the way.

We starting keep track of the lessons we were learning. We started believing and saying these words out loud:

We’re all in Grad School.

We began to write and speak and share what were learning with each other and the world. In order to accept change you have to change your words and the things you say. And again, change worked. We doubled our revenues. We wrote and published two successful books.

Together, we have become cheerleaders and champions for change.

In 2010, I had a chance again to embrace change or die. I lost someone very close and dear to my family in a fast, startling, almost profound way. I found myself white knuckle scared with change on a very personal level

This particular change hit hard. I lost 30 pounds, I got pneumonia. It took months and months, but I at some point, I heard Mike’s words rise up in my heart yet again.

Change or DIE.

And I realized I wanted to LIVE. So I got healthier. I got stronger. I took up yoga and meditation. I found a new personal purpose. I moved to a house half the size of my old one. I embraced change and challenged my comfort zone.

Every single day.

And I can tell you with complete certainly that sometimes things really DO fall apart, in order for something even more remarkable to happen.

Over my incredible career, I have seen people lose jobs they love, businesses they started, homes they cared for… and even loved ones. I’ve seen massive changes in the way business is done and how we communicate. I’ve seen some people struggle to keep up. I’ve seen others snub their noses and ignore change until it swallows them.

And I’ve seen others thrive.

I believe you can make a choice to Change, DIE — or LIVE.

You can become a cheerleader of change.

You can rewrite your story and change your vocabulary.

If you want leave your safe job to be a photographer, get a business card that says photographer on it. If you lose your job and have always wanted to write for a living, start writing. Introduce yourself as a writer. If you want to teach, call yourself a teacher.

You can change your words and that will change your actions and you can make something remarkable happen.

If you want to be a Word Of Mouth Marketing Company or a tribe of vagabond baristas, you can.

If you are willing to change your words and take action.

I don’t know what unexpected change is in front of you or me or any of us. None of us can see the future. But we can choose to be stay awake and alive to the gifts that change brings us.

I am happy to say: Mike and Karen, after a nine year adventure in Mexico are now back in the States living and loving out loud in Colorado. And most of all, looking forward to what is next.

We are too.

Moons and restless nights.

I took this photo when I was walking to a friend’’s house last night. There was a really bright moon behind those clouds. I could feel it winking at me.

January 27, 2021

I’m a world class sleeper. Once I hit a bed, I’m asleep until I wake up.

But once in a blue moon, I have a really restless night. Last night, for whatever reason, I could not stay asleep (maybe it was the moon…). So, like I usually do when a restless night happens, I just stayed awake.

Why fight it? 

It’s weird being wide awake when the earth is so still. It always fills me with a wee bit of awe. I know parents are feeding babies and people are working night shifts and health and safety workers are still going strong, but most of us are at rest. And like a quiet house when the kids are finally down, the earth (at least on my side of the world), is peaceful.

 It’s a sound and a feeling.

Last night while I couldn’t sleep, I started looking at online classes on edX. I’m a big fan of random online learning.  Just don’t ask about that time, I signed up for (and PAID for) a Climate Science Class at Harvard. As much as I want to add Climate Scientist to my list of identity adjectives, it’s likely not going to happen.

Well, last night I stumbled on an Introduction to Italian Opera Class taught by a delightful professor at Dartmouth, who at the time the course was first offered was in Venice with nine students studying Early Italian Opera.

Doesn’t that sound romantic?

Well, this very interesting professor was talking about HOW opera was written. A writer would give a composer like Mozart (we’re beginning with Figaro) a manuscript (a libretto). Then the music was set to the words. The role of the composer was to make you feel the drama without seeing it or even knowing the words.  You should be able to close your eyes and feel what’s going on.

Again, such a romantic notion.  

The professor suggested we look at the musical score as we listened even if we couldn’t read music. Here’s why; Mozart could only imagine how the Opera would sound and look on stage, so for a moment if we look at the score and listen to the music, we could get a fleeting look at the mind of Mozart.

Hmmm.

So that’s what I did when I couldn’t sleep last night. For a fleeting moment, I looked into the mind of Mozart.

By the way, posting online college classes for auditing is a brilliant move in the right direction World. I ‘m really proud of the people who are making that magic happen. And most of it is FREE. Geez, there’s some shiny smart people among us.

Change and magic.

January 22, 2021

I don’t remember what time it was. But in an instant, everything changed.

Like a lot of people who write, I write a lot of things that never see the light of day. As it should be. Writing is always deeply personal. Some of it we share, some we don’t. Every time I read an article or poem or book I take time to remember that someone somewhere was sitting at a laptop or scratching out notes on a well-worn pad with a favorite pen. I can almost see and feel the person behind a great piece of writing.

I don’t remember what time it was. But in an instant, everything changed. 

I start a lot of my writing rambles with this set of words because I’m fascinated, okay obsessed, with this fact. I’ve had people confide in me over the years about moments that have changed everything in their lives. And usually the only comfort I can give them is this:

Well, you didn’t see this happening (usually a thing they’re perceiving as really, really bad), so what’s exciting is there’s more you can’t see happening in front of you.

And some of it could be really, really GOOD.

 I know it’s a weird logic to find that comforting but I do.

 Because life is like that.

 We make little changes and choices every day that collectively change the course of our lives.

Do this. Don’t do this. Eat this. Walk away. Stay. Be honest and speak up. Don’t say a word. Reach out. Let it go. Take the job. Don’t. Start something new. Something that makes your heart beat a bit louder in your chest. Walk five miles a day. Write every single day. Meditate. Make little shifts to create a life you love.

All those little “instants” are as powerful as the BIGGER “instants” that change the course of our lives. Try seeing the little decisions you make in life as part of a collective magical whole.

And know. You won’t remember what time it was. But in an instant (or maybe many, many instances), everything will change... 

Nothing left unsaid.

January 19, 2021

I watched the Anderson Cooper documentary about his mom, Gloria Vanderbilt last night. It’s called Nothing Left Unsaid. His mom lived a really crazy childhood -- then life. She was constantly looking for love -- and losing love. She even lost a child to suicide. Which I can’t even begin to try and imagine. So, I won’t. Her life was complicated. She had another son who she was completely estranged from her for decades; again, hard one to even imagine.

Yet in spite of all that, there was this twinkle in her eyes.

I was struck by it really. How had so much pain and loss left so much twinkle in her eyes? Have you ever seen eyes that are dulled by life’s pains?

It’s a tough thing to witness.

How do some eyes twinkle with hope and some dull with pain? At one point, Anderson said, “Mom, you’re always looking for that next great love. Do you have anything to tell me?”

Perhaps that’s the twinkle; this knowing that adventure and love and light are always, always around the corner. Right in front us really.

Gloria Vanderbilt died last year at the age of 95.

She painted with wild abandon her entire life. For no one but herself really. There’s a lesson in that.

Lately I have had this contentment in my heart. I told someone the other day it felt like this knowing. Or this… excitement. A child like wonder. Think about it. Children never really know what’s coming next and they’re cool with it. Maybe it’s because every day is full of newness. New tastes, new experiences. New learning. I’m trying so hard to figure this new profound feeling out and understand where it came from. It appeared so quickly and with such intensity. It feels like a big surprise is just around the corner. Something I didn’t see coming. I have no clue where or what it pertains to either, which makes it doubly intriguing. And exciting.

I purchased five lottery numbers last week and didn’t win, so that wasn’t it.

It actually feels weird with so much unrest in the world to hold this underlying contentment in my heart. And don’t get me wrong. I still get frustrated and upset. And sometimes COVID anxious hits me so hard. But maybe, just maybe this undercurrent of PEACE is an inside job. Maybe worldwide contentment truly does start with each of us. Maybe it’s gratitude for all that has been and all that will be.

Maybe the two are connected.

Just thinking out loud for anyone listening on this beautiful Winter morning. Right now, as a type these words the sun is shining through the door from my bedroom to the porch. Inviting me outside.

Maybe today’s the day.

Sometimes I go to bed at night with these words in my head.

I CAN’T wait until tomorrow. 

I even typed those very words on my social media pages one night. Tomorrow felt like an unwrapped present. I woke to a lot of people asking me what the day held. What was happening?

All I could say is: I don’t know.

Try not to worry today.

See if you can find that PEACE inside. Go on a journey to find that feeling today.

Love, Robbin

P.S. Speaking of new tastes. Didn’t we? My friend turned me on to the best breakfast. Blueberries, raspberries and raw almonds with a wee bit of maple syrup drizzled on top. Try it, you’ll thank me/her later!

J.O.Y.

January 17, 2021

The other day while walking with a friend in my neighborhood, we stumbled on the letters J. O. Y. They were huge outdoor letters. Maybe five feet tall each. White with sparkles. Someone had put them by the side of the road. Perhaps the owners had grown tired of them as decorations this past Christmas. It was an odd sensation seeing these letters haphazardly tossed away on the side of the road. We both stopped for a moment to puzzle it. There was J.O.Y., sitting by the side of the road waiting for someone to come along and pick it up to reuse next year -- or maybe the trash truck would get to it first.

The irony was not lost on us. We walked on in silence for a good long while.

That image of J.O.Y. tossed to the side of the road kept coming up in my heart all week.

What is JOY? Is it a choice? Do things really spark it like Marie Kondo suggests? Some things can. I believe that. I have an old pocket watch that belonged to my father and a few river stones on my bedside table that definitely make me smile when I see them or hold them in my hand. So yes. It’s fair to say some THINGS can spark the memory of joy.  

Flowers also bring me joy. All of them. All of the time. I invest in flowers like some people invest in art. Their fleeting beauty is so comforting to me. Art brings me joy. Books bring me joy. We learn something every time we read, don’t we? And we save our books as a reminder of those random learnings. I’m honestly a bit spooked when I enter a home without books.

The noun joy is at the root of joyful, from the Old French joie with its Latin root of gaudere, "rejoice."

Rejoice.

I love that word so much and love that the mere act of looking up the definition of JOY led me to the word REJOICE. Rejoice is an action word. Almost a command. Or maybe it’s not so much a command, but permission.

The older I get, the more rejoicing I allow myself to do. It’s one of the most delightfully surprising things about aging. This ability to see joy and to take the time to feel it often, totally took me by surprise. The really tiny moments of life are what spark joy (and rejoicing) for me these days; a favorite song playing in my kitchen, a delicious coffee, laughter and logic of kids and time with family that feel like friends and friends that feel like family. Fresh food made with love. Hugs that last until you relax into them…

There’s an Alan Jackson song that goes like this:

The older I get the better I am. Knowing when to give and when to just not give a damn. The older I get, the more thankful I feel for all the life I’ve had and all the life I am living still.

Is there anything better than country music wisdom?

Maybe knowing when to give and not give a damn is what keeps joy expanding as we age. We simply become better editors with time. We edit out the noise and focus on the stuff that matters most.

We know what to keep and what to toss aside…

How did you spend your yesterday?

January 7, 2021

Yesterday, I went to my Pilates class. I brought some of my favorite foods at the sweet little local grocery I love to support. I helped my daughter and her husband rearrange furniture. (They got a new sofa.) I talked to my son. I forgot to make my bed. I talked to my sweet sister who is still suffering the lingering effects of Covid.

I got over 50 texts from friends in the space of one hour.

I watched the news with stunned disbelief. I tossed a paper towel at the TV when our President spoke. It was this that got to me: “You have to go home now. We have to have peace. We love you. You’re very special.” So let me get this right, Mr. President. You love the people that stormed the White House yesterday and interrupted the peaceful transfer of government that has been a part of our heritage for centuries.

Thank goodness I didn’t have a sturdier object in my hands.

If you know me you know I try hard to see all sides of a situation. I search for non-biased new sources. I search for facts. I can’t see both sides right now even though I’m trying and it feels like this shift will be permanent.

I woke up asking myself. What now? What will I do today?

And here is where I netted out.

I will keep believing in America and Americans. There are bad people all over the world. And there are people who do things because they are misinformed or seeking attention or mentally ill… or something. But the majority of Americans are good. I will keep believing this.

I will pay even more attention. During the last four years, unlike a lot of my friends, I have read news from the right and from the left and mostly in the middle. The factual news. I will help share that information when I can in the hopes that my friends on both sides will take the time to read.

I will find and support the lawmakers who are trying hard to UNITE us. Open to suggestions here.

 I will vote in every election. All of them. They all count.

I have said this often, because I have seen it work first hand in my own life. When bad shit happens, we have two choices — to retreat and lick our wounds or rise up and grow.

I choose growth. Here’s to hoping many of us choose to RISE UP. I suppose the real question is never what did you do yesterday but what will you do now…

The state of my union.

I have a friend who’s a brilliant therapist. She never crosses the friend to therapist line, but boy do I listen when she quietly hands out little nuggets of advice.

One of her best pieces of advice to me was “Girl, you need to be lost in Kmart for a while.” 

Seems when she was a little girl, her mom would take her shopping (in Kmart) and she always got lost (or thought she was lost). And she’d find her little crying five or six-year old self frantically scrambling to find help at the customer service counter. Over the booming loudspeaker they would announce with great fanfare, “There’s a little girl in a blue dress and pink sweater who’s lost at Customer Service.” Her mother would come running but when they were reunited she always said in a hushed voice, “Elaine, when you think you’re lost, just stand still.  I will find YOU”

I love that story. Why is that when we feel the wee bit lost in life, we frantically go looking to be found? When really what we need is stillness and to settle — make friends really — with that uneasy feeling of being lost.

This year, looking back, will be the year I learned to get still. Even when I felt lost. Hard to explain how magical this stillness has been. Living (alone) in a pandemic has been scary and thrilling. Yes, thrilling! I’ve come to understand that I can trust the process of life. I can trust all of it. Including myself. Not sure if that will make sense to anyone but me, but I can say with 100% certainty if you ever feel lost, stand still and wait. Something magical WILL happen. Most likely inside of you.

So that’s all the looking back I’m going to do for now. No sense dwelling over 2020.

 What am I looking forward to this coming year?

 Well, I am looking forward to everyone or most of us getting a vaccine. Duh.

 I also want to find even more joy in the simple things. I will look for experiences, not things to fill my time.

I want to be a better friend. I want to get even closer to the people I love. I’m lucky to have a small community of really close, ride or die kind of friends. This eclectic group of people I adore becomes more and more important to me with each passing year. How can I give them what they so willingly offer me? How can I be there for them?

I’d like to shed some of my biases. I hate that I have them. And I’m not sure where to start or how to shake them. But I know at times I am I’m not open to people unless they share my views. And that is not a trait I admire. I’m going to work on that.

Lastly, I want to be BRAVER. I want to do things that make my heart feel like it is going to jump out of my body. I have a friend who wrote a compelling business book about judgement. There’s one line in it where he talks about his early days as a Navy Fighter Pilot. I’m quoting from memory (Sorry, Barry) but it said something like, “Somedays we were so excited, we felt like our hearts would jump out of our bodies.”. I know adrenalin chasing is a form of distraction but I crave it. Where can I find more of that feeling is something I will look to answer this year. I’m hoping the answer is more surprising than the obvious.

Okay, let’s do this 2021. My word for you sweet 2021 is BRAVE.

“You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.” – Mary Tyler Moore

Growth. (In a Pandemic.)

December 21, 2020

I have a phrase I hate. Like nails scraping against a chalkboard kind of hate.

You look really great (for your age).

You might as well be saying you look great BUT you’re old. And we all know the only truth about a sentence with BUT in it is what comes AFTER the BUT.

Never, ever use the word BUT.

Trust me that’s some of the best advice I’ve ever received. Next time you want to compliment an older person, like me, just say; You’re amazing. You inspire me. You’re beautiful. So much kinder and smarter.

Okay, enough of that. Let me get to my real point. This has been quite a year for all of us. Some had it way worse than me for certain. But It’s been a year where everything and I mean everything had a parenthesis after it.

My daughter fell in love and got married (in a pandemic).

I helped champion several meaningful new projects (in a pandemic).

I started waking five miles a day (largely because we’re in a pandemic and what else can I do).

I watched all of the internet (in a pandemic).

I got closer to my friends (in a pandemic).

We had a record voter turn-out in an election (in a pandemic).

Seriously, don’t you feel that way?

The truth is WE’RE ALL LIVING through a major historic event. Full of pain and grief and loss.  This pandemic has been the underlying TRUTH to everything we do. It’s been hard. And scary. And exhausting.

I feel all those things. But still, I’m so full of hope.

Not just because I’m wired that way. It’s bigger than that. I’m full of hope because of the innovation of businesses large and small. And the spirit and energy of the people in those businesses.

I loved seeing the small grocery where I shop change the way they operate (overnight) to keep the people they serve safer.

I love seeing not for profits raise money and help clients in need.

I cried, I mean sobbed when I saw the New York Philharmonic play on the Today Show, six feet apart. Did you know some of their musicians have been going around in pick-up trucks playing in the streets bringing live music to people? It’s a little thing, but a really big thing at the same time.

Whew. That one got to me for some reason. We need music now more than ever.

And we have scientists and innovators who have made history bringing vaccines to the world in record time. Not to mention all the supply chain folks, the people packaging and moving those vaccines to people at rapid speed right now as I type. Yes, some of it has been capitalist driven (a good thing really), but a lot it is heart and human driven (an even better thing). I feel that with every cell in my body.

We have also made meetings more efficient. Distance is no longer a factor in connecting with others. Family togetherness the norm. I could go on and on. Kids are still getting educated thanks to technology and teachers who stepped up and innovated and kept learning going (in a pandemic).

I am in awe. Absolute awe of it all. I am astonished really.

Some things have gone wrong. Badly wrong. I am sure of that. But somethings have gone right.

I love the writer Brianna Wiest. Love her words. They soothe my soul and open my heart. The other day I stumbled on this set of words. Read it three times so it really, really sinks in:

If you are not the person you want to be for the rest of your life, you must get to work right now. The truth is that it becomes easier and easier to fall into passivity, to allow our lives to be selected for us, out of ease and familiarity. The truth is the longer we stay as we are, the more deeply we are reinforced for it, the stronger the neuropathways become as we revisit the same thoughts and feelings over and over again. The truth is that you will get to the end of your life exactly as you are right now if you do not choose growth. Because growth? It isn’t inevitable. It’s optional. You have to decide you want to get better, and then you have to choose that life every single day.

Yes, this time of living life (in a pandemic) has been a brutally painful time for the world. But it is that collective disruption of the familiar that is fueling growth. And unrest. And I hope, pray really, it is changing us all for the better.

I am mean telemedicine can change the world, right?

I hope our collective neuropathways have been so altered that we wake up our thinking in even more areas. For instance, can we apply this new innovative thinking to things like Climate Change and Racial Equality and Mental Health?

Can we try? Will we choose growth?

I know personally that pain, real gut-wrenching loss and pain (and like all of us, I have had my share), has been a huge driver of growth and learning in my own life. No one comes out of pain without a wiser, stronger soul.

Let’s do that as a world. Let’s do that. Let’s make this (in a pandemic) growth work hard.

So, go back and re-read Brianna’s words above. What are you going to do now?

More from me personally on that topic soon. Stay tuned. I am going to try writing every morning to see where that takes me. So hopefully you’ll be hearing more from me. And by the way, if you’ve read this far, thank you. It means a lot to me.

Love, Robbin

Thank you, Donald Trump.

September 30, 2020

For all of my working life (and personal life to be honest), I got called down for interrupting people when they were talking.

 Okay Mike, I see you shaking your head. You tried.

 My favorite corrector of this habit of mine is actually my friend, Jack. He simply continues his thought and says, “Let me finish please.”

 Isn’t that a graceful way to correct someone’s total lack of grace?

I think age has helped me get better at this dreadful action. I’m certainly more aware when I slip and do it these days. The slight delay in zoom might also be helpful. It’s training me to wait longer for the pause. Has anyone else noticed that?

 And by the way:

 If there’s one major PLUS of aging, it’s self-awareness.

 Last night, like many American’s I watched the debate. I know, I know. I don’t discuss politics on social media but I’m breaking my own rule and doing it just this once as an experiment. I promise to go back to sunshine and flowers right away.  

 Well. Last night seeing two grown men interrupt each other for an hour (I fell asleep for the last bit)… well, I’m cured of  my interruption habit. Donald was nothing short of stunning as an interrupter. I could not see or hear anything else. I sat stunned really.

 Interrupting someone is a ridiculous act of disrespect and lack of self-control on his part.

 And sadly mine.

Forgive me if I have ever interrupted you. Also, please make me a promise if you’re reading this and interact with me. IF I ever slip up and interrupt you, out of passion for what I’m sharing or whatever dumb excuse I’ve used in the past, PLEASE correct me. Call me on that crap.

Jack’s method is wildly effective by the way.

 I hope the candidates watch themselves over and over and make the next debate more tolerable. Do you think they will?

So, thank you Donald. You gave a me a huge and hopefully final wake up call.

Did you learn anything watching the debate?

I’d love to know.  Just for kicks and giggles, let’s not make any learnings or aha moments about taking a specific side. That would be so nice for a change. For instance, don’t say “Donald Trump is an idiot.” Or “Joe Biden is sleepy.” Just let me know if you learned anything.

By the way, I loved when Joe said this about his son and I think there is a big learning here:

“My son, like a lot of people you know at home, had a drug problem. He’s overtaken it. He’s fixed it. He’s worked on it and I am proud of him. I am proud of my son.”

Whew, what a better world we’d live in it we had more compassion for people in recovery. It’s hard work. And everyone who has worked hard to manage this disease deserves our admiration and respect.

OUTLOUD.

So am saying it here:

I am so freaking proud of all you people who have the disease of addiction and have found ways to manage it!

Now take a minute and share what you learned from the debate.

Go.

PS. This article is really full of great tips for us interrupters.

I walked from Greenville To Atlanta in August.

September 4, 2020

Last Month I started walking 5 miles a day every day. And Wednesday morning, on my 30 days of walking celebration, I realized that I’ve walked over 45 hours in August. Honestly, for some people that might not sound like a lot.  But for me, a 4000 steps a day kind of person, it was a pretty big jump.

 I learned a lot.

1.     You can get addicted to walking. I love the idea of creating good addictions, don’t you? I had about 3-4 days that I just didn’t quite make it the entire 5 miles and yup, I walked around my kitchen getting those steps in. Honestly, after about 2 weeks it was just not an option NOT to walk.

2.     You can add some serious muscle just by walking. I have never, EVER had calves. I have been in awe of other people’s calves all my life. I had calf envy. Well, I have some calves of my own now. And I love them. I’m not ever losing them. Those calves and I have some hikes to take and some hills to climb and they are really helpful when you’re doing those sorts of things. Trust me, strong calves are a really good thing.

3.     Walking gives you a lot of time to think. And it’s a different kind of thinking. For one thing, you can’t beat yourself up while fast walking. Beating yourself up for silly stuff (like all of do a lot of the time) is just not an option while you’re doing something so good for yourself.  You also see things you might miss too. I saw the little kids in my neighborhood playing and it gave me a lot of joy.. If not for these walks, I would not have see the sweet moments of little ones riding bikes and chasing each other with water guns and building forts. Has this goodness been going on all along? And I’ve just missed it? Shame on me. I love people watching but neighborhood kid watching is just a brilliant spin on that sport.

4.     I feel better. Like a whole lot better. That’s a given I suppose. But one of the reasons I think I feel better is this; I’m hungrier. And the good news, I can have about 400 more calories a day because of those 5 miles. That’s a lot of nutrition my body wasn’t getting. And I’m truly feeling this benefit.

5.     During this first 30 days, I wanted to collect flowers for pressing. I’ve become OBSESSED with pressing flowers. If you don’t follow Modern Pressed Flower on Instagram, go do it now. Collecting these little pieces of nature that turn into art feels like a little secret I’m sharing with the Universe. I’ll share my 30-day art installation really soon! I’m going to put it on the wall at the foot of my bed to remind of the most important thing I learned on this 30-day adventure:

You can do whatever you decide to do.

That’s it. You can! I suppose this lesson was really just a great reminder. I’ve always know this fact, but seeing it work in just 30 short days was the powerful reminder I needed.

I’ll keep 5 miles day a part of my daily routine.  (Okay, I might not walk over an hour in the pouring down rain, but I am going to try!)

Next month maybe I’ll add a fews extra miles here and there and walk to Charleston!

Pressed Flower GOALS from Modern Pressed Flower. No, I didn’t do this one, but isn’t it amazing?

Why aren’t more people athletes?

August 4, 2020

Do you know that most people only use about 7% of their body’s strength and capacity? I heard that from my super strong and athletic friend, Jonathan.

 His words have stuck in my head and heart for years. Seriously, like over 7 years.

 For the last 3 years I’ve been pushing myself really hard. Trying to see how strong my 62 year old body can get. I currently do some form of workout (pilates, yoga, biking, fast walking or boot camp) for about an hour, six days a week.

Which means I work out 2 FULL, 12 hour, days a month.

Or 24, 12 hour, days  a year! Following my logic here?

Kind of cool when you think of it that way. But I still wonder, can I do more? Will I, can I, use more than 7% of my body’s strength in this lifetime? 

Today I was doing a bit of research for the 3rdActivist project online and I met Libby Delana.   

Wow.

Libby has walked 8.5 miles a day for 8 years, which means she has walked around the world! I love to walk. I love the simplicity of it. But Libby just gave walking a whole new meaning for me.

“Walking is not just exercise, it is moving in space and time in a different way. Its connection to nature and self —two huge, adventurous worlds that you could travel within endlessly, with no boundaries.”

Don’t you love that?

Man, I miss adventures and traveling but what if I can find that adventure I’m missing during this pandemic by just walking. Walking IS an adventure without boundaries! A connection to nature and self.

Sounds delightful to me.

So. I am doing it. I am declaring it right here. I’m going to walk around the world!

It will take me 8 years but how cool will that be to be someone who has walked around the world. I’m so excited and inspired. I can’t wait until tomorrow when I begin this effort in earnest. I’m going to share my adventures online. So follow me. That will surely make it more fun. If anyone wants to join me on this walk around the world challenge, reach out. I’m scared. But by golly, I am going to do it!

More to come. And ideas and inspiration and company always welcome.

OXOXOX, Robbin

I could use a good cry and other truths from my heart.

July 9, 2020

 The other day I googled, “Why am I crying for no reason?”

 Did you know that anxiety is often the cause of random crying.

 Makes sense to me.  

Right now, the entire world is experiencing collective anxiety.

So is everyone else random crying?

Just going to get groceries has given me pause for concern and stress these days. And while I wear a mask for others safety, I cannot for the life of me get used to not seeing smiles. That part hurts.

 I’ve heard that crying is just like laughter. A sudden release of emotion. I’ve come to see it as my mind and heart’s way of healing from the massive changes and loss we’re all seeing and experiencing this year.

 I’ve always been a half full kind of person. And it’s real. I was born that way I suppose. So, the random crying thing has taken me by surprise. I just never know when it’s going to happen. An online post from a friend I haven’t seen in a while. A dear friend’s kind words of encouragement. The smell of fresh herbs being crushed in a little bowl. A sweet quiet rainfall when I took my first long bike ride in over a year. (Seriously, a crash where you break things will keep you off a bike for a while).  That rain felt like the universe sending me little kisses of support on that important hot July day.

 See, I told you this crying was random. Completely random.

 My friends have fallen into two camps during this Pandemic and unrest over Racism and hate crimes. There are those that see it as just a bit of a bother. And those that are completely focused on every tidbit of scary or demoralizing news. Okay, perhaps there’s a third in the “middle ground” camp.

 Seeing those strong lines being drawn in the sand has me asking so many questions.

 But I will say this. I know with 100% certainty, that we will come out better for the wear and the emotions and the questions.

I just feel it in my gut.

I stumbled on this quote from Albert Camus today:

 “In the midst of hate, I found there was within me, an invincible love. In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile. In the midst of chaos, I found there was within me, an invincible calm. I realized, through it all, that in the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the word pushes against me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”

I’m grateful for the chance to feel so many raw emotions. I’m grateful for the wisdom to try and understand many points of views. I’m grateful for my family’s health and well-being. I’m so grateful for the love that surrounds me. For weddings that take place in spite of concerns. For local business leaders with positive attitudes and innovative ideas. For new opportunities and new relationships. For a car that runs well and takes me toward little backyard adventures in North Carolina. Thankful or a soft bed that welcomes me night after night. For friends who never judge.

 And for lights at the ends of tunnels.

WE are all in this together. WE have always been.

May we never forget.

With Love and Big Crazy, Teary Eyed Hope,
Robbin

Where do you get your news?

April 25, 2020

Hi everyone, let me start this off by saying I miss you so much. Life is not the same without the face to face communities I’ve built in my life. Social Media is great for some things but it will never replace the kindness and smiles and touch of real humans. 

Once the Covid 19 crisis is over and we go back to our new normal, I’m making all of you a few simple promises:

1.     I will never be distracted by my phone while in your company. You will get my complete and undivided attention. I will listen hard and love hard and appreciate my relationships more.  I will be present for you.

2.     I won’t take the casual conversations in my life, in stores or restaurants, for granted. I didn’t know I would miss them until they were gone.

Okay so now that I have committed to that, I want to talk about grief.

“Feelings, and feelings, and feelings. Let me try thinking instead.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

The current state of our collective stay at home isolation has given me time to feel a few things I’ve simply pushed away. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been having some see-saw feelings lately. One minute I’m laughing so hard I’m crying because someone posted on Facebook: I’ve watch all of YouTube.

 The next minute I’m crying for no real reason.

But here’s the truth. Grief is the feeling that really caught me off guard. Grief is a bitch. You live life, you will lose something or someone. Period. No one misses out on the struggle that’s called grief.

I adore my grown-up kids, but sometimes I miss, grieve really, the little kids they were. I see them in photos all over the house, and I can almost feel them nearby. It’s weird. I think you have to be the parent of grown kids to know this particular feeling. 

I also miss my Mom right now. I know exactly what she’d say if she were still alive and I called her during this time. “This too will pass and you’re stronger than you think.

Grief also feels a lot like fear to me. It is an achy feeling. A feeling that you can only feel alone. It’s deeply personal.

I was thinking that one thing I might be grieving right now is my innocence.  I mean I had no freaking idea something like this was possible in the world. Was I asleep or doing yoga or konmari-ing my home when all of you were watching sci-fi movies? I certainly didn’t hear Bill Gates’ Ted Talk. Even though I love Bill and Ted Talks.

I wonder too about this. Are we all simply facing the fear of dying at once?  I see folks in their masks, (I wear one as well) and they seem to be hiding from that dreadful fear of dying. It leaves me so emotional. Seriously, I sob in my car after my treasured grocery trips.  

Don’t judge.

Again, I know we’ll all put this time in our memory at some point but while it’s happening it is taking a toll. By the way, just saying this truth about grief out loud soothes me.  

So thanks for listening.

 I’ll end by saying this. Ever the half full glass kind of human I am, I’m so grateful for so many things right now.

 Family. I’m seeing my grown kids. Logan and Lucas and Tyler, your visits mean more to me than you will ever know.

 My friends.  They’ve j continued to be there in really remarkable ways. We’re reaching out more in an effort to stay close. And that feels amazing. I never have taken them for granted and now, well. I am just beyond words grateful for them all.

Home. I’m so grateful for my simple, minimalist home. I’ve cleaned and worked in my yard and planted a beautiful garden. I’ve been thankful for this home of mine every single day. It feels safe. I know others are not as fortunate to have safe homes, and I hurt for those people. That collective hurt is also part of the grief. I don’t take my safe home for granted during this time.

Other amazing gifts. I’m grateful for books and internet connections and social media and sunshine. And fresh air. And yoga pants. And good food. I’m thankful for people I don’t even know who are caring for each other. I’m thankful for that farmer who sent one of his five face masks to Gov. Como. I’m thankful for Gov. Como and his unwavering grace under pressure. I’m thankful for all of it. Let’s always remember the amazing gifts of humanity during this time.

Let’s allow ourselves permission to feel the grief for our loses and the loses of others.

Let’s also find little things to be grateful for each day. And for goodness sake let’s come out of this more determined to live our lives with meaning, joy and purpose.

 And know. I love you all madly.

 Robbin

P.S Oh and where DO you get your news? I’ve been listening to BBC World News. It makes me feel like more a global citizen. Something I want to feel more than ever at this moment in history.

I can do hard things.

March 10, 2020

I stole the title of this post from Julie van Amerongen’s book with the same title. That book is about Julie’s journey running long distances every single day. Her title so inspired me that I’ve been thinking about it all day long. Seriously all day.

 Because. I can do hard things.

 I’ve lived six decades and I can say with 100% certainty that I really can do hard things.

I’ve written about this before but I knew at a very, very young age that I didn’t want an ordinary life. Hard to explain really but I was terrified of just existing. I wanted adventure and laughter and joy and wild crazy “wake up with excitement” days.

I’ve gotten that life and then some.

 And like all of us, I’ve also done some really hard things. While some of these things I would not wish on anyone, I’ve come to realize that you can’t be alive without hard things swirling around you. They’re a part of life as much as the good stuff. Things like loss and grief and health issues and disappointment hit us all at some point.

These hard things put chips in our armor but they also bring gifts. They straighten our spine and make our words fewer and wiser and much, much kinder. 

This morning on Facebook a memory popped up from three years ago. It was a happy memory of a surprise birthday party I threw for someone I loved dearly. In that little batch of photos, I was full of joy and surrounded by great friends. And never in 100 million years would I have guessed in those simple captured moments what lay ahead.

Seeing those photos tugged at my heart in a way — but they did something else even more impactful. They reminded me that anything is possible. And that to me is what it means to live an extraordinary life. To hold the idea that the road ahead is full of adventure and excitement you can’t even dream of is exactly what makes me wake up with wild crazy excitement for the day.

 Every single day.

 In those three years since those Facebook memories, I’ve sold my business and I’m starting several new adventures. I’ve learned to LOVE, LOVE getting physically stronger. I’ve been surprised by the sweet love of strangers and family and dear friends. I’ve met some remarkable people. I’ve seen suns rise and set that left me awestruck with their enormous beauty. Life is full of magic and wonderful surprises. If you don’t believe it, scroll through your phone’s photos and remember what you didn’t know when they were taken. Walk with sureness and know… You can do hard things.

Life is full of magic. And those little blue flowers on the sides of roads in the Spring…

 OX, Robbin

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A love letter to words.

January 31, 2020

 I love words. Just adore them. They have a magical way of taking my breath away without warning. They tell our stories. Write our poems. They compose our love letters and our resignation letters. They are perfect and not so perfect. Lately I’ve been really attuned to the random sentences I’ve heard in some unlikely places. So I’m officially declaring today LOVE A GREAT SET OF WORDS day. So, let’s love on some words for a while.  

Be still my soul. I bought these words on a little pale blue sign recently and I keep that sign in my closet so I can see it when I’m getting dressed. I often have to remind myself to be still and listen to my gut. What is this person really telling me? What do I want to do now? It takes stillness to listen to your own gut and feelings. It takes the kind of stillness you feel down in your soul. I guess that’s why meditation really works.

 Sometimes you have to build the ship while you sail it. I’m a big believer in just starting somewhere. Just grab what you have and go forward. I’m doing that every day these days. Just making it up as I go along. I’m currently working with a smart group of people to help redefine what it means to be 55+ in a world where many of us will live well into our 90s. We’re excited and definitely building the ship as we all sail during this time in our lives ourselves. Much more to come on the 3rdAct! It’s a slow going little row boat right now, but it’s going.

Did the captain of the titanic cry? This is a set of words from an old(ish) song that pops up in my heart and head every once in a while. Sometimes first thing in the morning to be honest with you. I must remember it when I am pondering something about my own life. Don’t you love how that works? Maybe there are some questions that will never, ever have answers. ERRRGH. Maybe some things are best left unanswered. But man, there are some things I want to know so bad. Like, did he cry? I’m saying yes.

If I wasn’t already here, I would consider staying home. Geez, I love this sentence from a Facebook friend who’s in China right now. It was a random comment he made to friend. I smiled out loud (is that a thing?) when I saw it. Can’t explain why really, just thought it was a great set of words.

You see, I’m afraid of dying. I wrote about this a while back. I love this sentence. Because if we all drank truth serum and sat around the campfire of life, I bet you we would all have some version of this universal fear pass over our lips. It takes a whole lot of courage to live and love. It really does. Because nothing in life is permanent. The other day some friends and I were talking and I asked, “What is the opposite of love?” And their answer was FEAR. James Victore, an artist I love, does this wonderful art where he puts random phrases on art he finds. I love this one that simple says: And then we die. Makes you think.

So, go love on some words today. Appreciate all they do for us. They are this wonderful constant in our ever-changing world and lives. And that alone makes them worthy of our unbridled love and adoration. I love you magical words! Carry on!

P.S. I totally do not have James Victore’s permission to use this art, so if it goes down (he’s my facebook friend), you’ll know he got angry at me. If you want to buy it, you can on his etsy shop.

Less.

December 28, 2019

So. What have I been up to lately, besides celebrating the holidays?

My family had a great one by the way, full of laughter and simple traditions and love. Lots of love. I miss having little kids but geez, I love my grown-up kids so much. I hope yours was full of magic too.

Since my last post I’ve had some great adventures. One in Nashville with my friend Jeff. So much fun. We ate and played and most of all listened to live country music. So much music. I finally made it to the Grand ole Opera and it was sweetness beyond words.

I also went to Lawrence, Kansas this month to visit and dream for a few days about a new business adventure with my friends John and Beth (and my new friend Jerri). We get closer and sharper on our plans every time we gather. And the feedback we’re getting from some shiny bright people has been super encouraging. More on this really, really soon!

I stayed in this very modern tiny box of an airbnb when I was in Kansas. It was so minimal and calming, which leads me to the real reason for this post.

If you’ve ever been to my home, you know I’m a bit of a minimalist. I’m not an extreme one, but I don’t have much stuff. I don’t fill my home with useless objects. In fact, I would go so far to say that stuff makes me nervous. Hard to explain. And the older I get, the more I realize that living with less stuff is the life for me. I’ve read Marie Kondo’s tidying book but my house is already tidy so I haven’t actually taken her exacting steps to heart.

Well, at some point on a rainy day over the holidays I stumbled on a couple of you tube videos about extreme minimalism. Do you know that some people choose to live without furniture? People also count their things and one man has his items down to 15.

Well, that “rainy day rabbit hole of laptop stumbling” about minimalism inspired me to think a bit more about my own level of minimalism. If less makes me happier, how much less can I really live with? How much calmer, happier and less stressed can I get?

So, I did it. I started with my books. I gathered them from all over the house. And one by one I held them in my hands to see what feeling they gave me. I got rid of two huge bags of books! And honestly, I think I could do it again. It was the first time I realized that books have energy. I had books and cookbooks that reminded me of things that really didn’t bring me much joy anymore. It was odd really how these items triggered emotions. And how great I felt when they had been given new homes.

Then on to paper. That was easy. I’m not a paper keeper. But I did tossed some things. And it felt good.

Then my clothes. I love clothes. Again, if you know me, you know about this form of self expression i enjoy.

So I took all my clothes from all over the house and put them on my guest bed. Seeing them all piled up on the bed almost made me ill.

Like physically sick. I had to grab an emergency ginger ale from the fridge.

Check out the photo if you don’t believe me. I was stunned. I stunned myself. And suddenly I got what Marie Kondo is doing with her method. I understood why you need to pull all your things out and just pile them up. It made me realize how crazy my clothing collection really was. So again, I got rid of a whole lot of things. Some items I consigned. I gave some to my daughter. And some to Goodwill. And I have to say, I feel so much lighter after losing over 25% of my clothing. I really think I want to do a second round.

I’m telling you all this because it was truly a life changing process. If you’re reading this you are most likely a friend and therefore you have something in common with me. And it might be this. I read once that if you ever look in your closet and wonder what to wear, you’re wealthy. It’s true, most of us are wealthy by the world’s standards.

So. This is just the start of my journey to LESS.

I have a few issues that worry me. One is Climate Change and the massive amount of waste we humans produce. I know that the biggest impact of change will have to come from the biggest contributors to the problem. But I’ve decided that I can’t complain about those people and corporations if I don’t clean up my own act. I’m also excited to live this next decade with less in order to experience more.

And trust me when I say this. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this gap year of 2019, it’s this. Experiences matters. Your health matters. Family and friends matter. Focusing only on what really matters is going to be my goals for the coming decades.

When I was in LA recently I worked with some students from Cal Arts to help “humanize” the LA county sustainability efforts. They came up with this brilliant idea to create a Culture of Refusal. Refuse the bag for the donut, refuse the straw, etc. So, with that in mind, here are just a few small ways that I’m going to make my little world and therefore the whole world a wee bit lighter.

1.     No more water from a bottle. Seriously what if we all did this? I have this wonderful pink glass water bottle that a friend gave me (thanks Courtenay!) for my birthday. It’s just the prefect size and I love the way it feels in my hand. I will fill that bottle instead of stopping for a packaged bottle water. All the time, not just some of the time.

2.     I’ll continue to try and reduce the amount of trash I make. Currently I only take my trash to the road every two weeks. I’m aiming for once a month. Which still seems too often to me.

3.     I’ll carry my own bag to the store. I am so guilty of not doing this. Geez. I have one I love, but forget it a lot. Well, that forgetting is just a habit and you can change your habits in short period of time. I will make this happen in 2020 and beyond.

4.     I’ll wait 24 hours before I make an online purchase. ALL the time. I think this is going to help the clothing problem I have. Besides if my closet is only filled with stuff that fits, feels good and is in good shape, why will I need more? I’ll continue to only buy brands that are making quality products ethically. This is a big one. And I’m going to have to really work on it. Did you know that fashion contributes to 92M tons of waste in landfills each year. What does 92 million tons of waste even look like? Does anyone know the answer to that question? If you are interested in this subject, read this. I also watched a video that suggested you limited the number of clothing items you purchase per year or month. And keep a list of those things so you can see how you do. I’m trying this!

5.     I’m going to ride my bike or walk more often. I can do this. I live close to most things I need. I can bike or walk to the grocery store, downtown and even the gym if I start early enough. I will still travel by plane. Because I love travel. Not giving up planes.

6.     No toxic products for cleaning. I’m going to edit my makeup too to make sure I’m using only clean products. I don’t use a lot of cleaning stuff or makeup so this should be easy. I’ve discovered this brand called 100% Pure. Check it out. Good stuff.

7.     I’m going to eat more local foods and eat less meat. Look out Swamp Rabbit, my bike and I will be coming your way more often. I do this already but still I can do MUCH better.

I know these are all pretty basic ideas but imagine if everyone reading this committed to just two of these ideas? We could make a dent.

If you have any other ideas I’m listening.

I’m excited for the decades (hopefully) in front me. There’s so much learning, growing, loving and experiences ahead.

Oh. I also think I’ll start a little You Tube Chanel of my own. I love peeking into the hearts and minds of complete strangers. And I could learn to edit videos. What do you think about that idea? Do you ever “rainy day rabbit hole laptop stumble” like me?

OX, Robbin

The secret.

November 11, 2019

“You see, I am afraid of dying”.  

My sweet friend and dinner companion from LA leaned over the table and softly spoke those seven simple words to me. Words that have been rolling around in my heart and head for over a month now. He’s not dying anytime soon and neither am I (at least that we know of), but we proceeded to talk about our fears out loud. My shoulders relaxed during our conversation in a way I can’t describe. I saw the brightness of the sunset differently as we spoke that warm, late summer night in LA. I held on a little tighter to him as we drove tandem like teenagers on a Lyft scooter through the streets of Santa Monica. Our combined laughter seemed almost magical.  

 They say death is the number one fear we humans have.

Could it be that Fear Of Missing Out is at the root of that universal fear of dying? Maybe it’s deeper than that. I don’t know.

None of us really talk about our number one fear, do we?

That night when I walked up the long flight of stairs to my Airbnb, I will tell you this, I took my time. I stopped to take in the beauty of the night sky and the full moon. Even the sheets felt softer and well… somehow different that night. The next morning as the sun rose up outside of my window, I felt calmer. The coffee at the tiny little hipster airstream restaurant down the street was so warm, perfection really. And the avocado toast was heaven.

I met three friends for dinner the next night on my LA visit and we had Ethiopian food. For people from Ethiopia, food is always a social event, a shared experience. Everyone eats from the same communal plate. And you eat with your hands. I felt so lucky to be alive and sharing this tender moment with my friends.

I met Miki Agrawal and her sister Radha somewhere in my work travels. Check them out if you have a moment. I just adore them both. They’re twins and serial entrepreneurs and they both wear hats. I mean they wear a lots of hats. One of my favorites has this written across the front:

Holy Shit, We’re Alive.

 Maybe our fear of dying is the one thing that can truly keep our hearts full of wonder.

Maybe that fear is a gift.

“You see, I AM afraid of dying.”

And that simple truth makes living and loving and being ALIVE so much sweeter.  If you are taking the time to read this today, KNOW this: I love you madly. You and I have connected on this earth for a beautiful reason. And I cherish that. I really, really do.

Let us never forget:

Holy Shit, We’re Alive.

Being single at 61.

October 6, 2019

 At dinner last night, a close friend was talking about a recent party. One I was not invited to.

 Ouch.

 She sweetly stated in an effort to explain, “Well, I think they just wanted it to be couples only.”

Ouch again. Does it make it easier to set the table?

Most of my life, for good or for bad, I’ve been a part of a couple. I was married for 18 years to the father of my children, someone I still adore. Then after that I had two very long term serious relationships. That both had expiration dates. I managed to stay single for only about six months after each of those relationships ended.

I suppose you could say that seems to be my pattern.

Those six months often felt like a lifetime, if I’m being 100% honest.

I don’t need a man, but I love being a part of couple more than I like flying solo. I think our lives are meant to be shared and witnessed and experienced with a special other. And I love to be in love. I love someone reaching out during the day to see how I am. I love the little ordinary stuff of relationships. The secret languages that evolve. Humans are wired to connect to each other deeply and intimately.

About six months ago, I found myself single again, after a short-term relationship that was just not right for me.

Now that I’m hitting my “six-month singleness pattern” timing, I’ve been doing a little dating and a lot of thinking.

What have I really learned this go around being single? And how will those learnings make me a better, kinder, happier person in the long run?

Here are my observations and lessons learned being single at a “certain age.”

1.     People say they envy me being single. I hear it in so many forms. “Wow, I love it when my husband/wife/other is out of town.” Or just the wistful, “I love being alone.” Well, I honestly love being alone at times myself. But all the time?  Nope, I do not love it. There are times when I get downright mad at aloneness actually. But I do know this, I would rather be alone than in a relationship that’s not serving me or the other person well. There are things that are much worse than being alone. And I think that learning has made me very careful of who I let come into and actually stay in my life. It’s okay to be picky. Even at 61.

2.     Online dating is sort of weird and fun all at the same time. Yes. I have an online profile on a couple of sites. And I’ve met some very nice people that I would never have met any other way. But honestly the process of looking at and reading profiles is a wee bit sad. For instance, I know first-hand that It truly sucks to be lied to by someone you love. But geez, an online profile stating you “value TRUTH AND HONESTY first and foremost” is just carrying your woeful baggage front and center. It’s not appealing. And there are so many profiles that say that EXACT thing. After meeting a few people who were OBVIOUSLY NOT OVER THEIR EX, I’ve learned that you must take time to process your last relationship and any grief that’s lingering. I’m guilty of not taking that time in the past. Which has me wondering, how much is enough time? How can you REALLY know when you’re ready to be in a relationship again? Here’s what I have decerned. You know it’s been enough time when you don’t feel a need a share your past relationship story/sad story any more. At all. For some people that’s days, for some people years.

Well, duh.

Six months was not enough for me in the past and I’m not sure it’s enough processing time this go around either. I met someone recently, only talked to him on the phone actualy, and this smart handsome man spent 25 painful minutes telling me of his EX wife’s affair after 23 years of marriage. Pain is real. I get that. So, I just let him carry on. Because I felt so freaking sorry for him. So, here’s my takeaway from that experience. Find the will to take whatever time, six months or six years, to get over the stuff of your past relationship. I mean really get over it to the point where your breakup/loss story actually bores you. That’s something I’m really trying to do myself and seeing others who don’t take that time up close and personal has been helpful and healing. It’s not fair to another person to enter a relationship when you are not over the previous one.

3.     I’m excited about my life and what lies in front of me. I believe when you start to feel that in earnest, magic happens. I’ve read this statement often, FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF BEFORE YOU GET IN A RELATIONSHIP. I get that. I do. You must never love someone else more than you love… well, YOU. Loving yourself is a very good thing. But I think the magic lies somewhere else. You have to keep a sense of excitement in your life whether alone or with someone by your side. That’s where happiness really lives. Happiness lies in the simple knowledge that each moment you are breathing is full of wonder and beauty and awe.  Taking the time to figure that out has been really good for me. Traveling solo, going places on my own has been something I will never, ever regret.

4.     I heard these two questions from someone recently and it made my heart swell. What if you were 100% certain that the love of your life was just around the corner? What would you be doing with your time? Being single right now, I love that thought. The past has shown me that there is an abundance of love (and amazing men) in this world. There really is someone for everyone. Look around. That evidence is right in front of us all. It’s cool how this world of ours works. So, I say go for it. Give your number to a stranger in the grocery store if you want to. Smile at everyone you see. Experiment with online dating. Go surfing. Go to meet ups. Get up every morning and smile knowing that your life could change for the better with just one little bitty decision. I had a reminder of that just last night. I had a party many years ago and I invited a lot of couple and single friends I knew. Last night at dinner two of my friends that met for the very first time at that very party years ago were sitting in front of me, laughing and still flirting with each ohter after many years of marriage. What if just one of them had decided not to come out that night? A marriage, a beautiful one, would never have happened. These days, I’m saying yes more often. And that feels right. Life is a great adventure. And your attitude is all that matters. I choose to have faith in abundance and possibility.  

Thanks for listening. If you have anything you want to share, I’m listening.

I’m listening a lot these days.