Nothing left unsaid.
January 19, 2021
I watched the Anderson Cooper documentary about his mom, Gloria Vanderbilt last night. It’s called Nothing Left Unsaid. His mom lived a really crazy childhood -- then life. She was constantly looking for love -- and losing love. She even lost a child to suicide. Which I can’t even begin to try and imagine. So, I won’t. Her life was complicated. She had another son who she was completely estranged from her for decades; again, hard one to even imagine.
Yet in spite of all that, there was this twinkle in her eyes.
I was struck by it really. How had so much pain and loss left so much twinkle in her eyes? Have you ever seen eyes that are dulled by life’s pains?
It’s a tough thing to witness.
How do some eyes twinkle with hope and some dull with pain? At one point, Anderson said, “Mom, you’re always looking for that next great love. Do you have anything to tell me?”
Perhaps that’s the twinkle; this knowing that adventure and love and light are always, always around the corner. Right in front us really.
Gloria Vanderbilt died last year at the age of 95.
She painted with wild abandon her entire life. For no one but herself really. There’s a lesson in that.
Lately I have had this contentment in my heart. I told someone the other day it felt like this knowing. Or this… excitement. A child like wonder. Think about it. Children never really know what’s coming next and they’re cool with it. Maybe it’s because every day is full of newness. New tastes, new experiences. New learning. I’m trying so hard to figure this new profound feeling out and understand where it came from. It appeared so quickly and with such intensity. It feels like a big surprise is just around the corner. Something I didn’t see coming. I have no clue where or what it pertains to either, which makes it doubly intriguing. And exciting.
I purchased five lottery numbers last week and didn’t win, so that wasn’t it.
It actually feels weird with so much unrest in the world to hold this underlying contentment in my heart. And don’t get me wrong. I still get frustrated and upset. And sometimes COVID anxious hits me so hard. But maybe, just maybe this undercurrent of PEACE is an inside job. Maybe worldwide contentment truly does start with each of us. Maybe it’s gratitude for all that has been and all that will be.
Maybe the two are connected.
Just thinking out loud for anyone listening on this beautiful Winter morning. Right now, as a type these words the sun is shining through the door from my bedroom to the porch. Inviting me outside.
Maybe today’s the day.
Sometimes I go to bed at night with these words in my head.
I CAN’T wait until tomorrow.
I even typed those very words on my social media pages one night. Tomorrow felt like an unwrapped present. I woke to a lot of people asking me what the day held. What was happening?
All I could say is: I don’t know.
Try not to worry today.
See if you can find that PEACE inside. Go on a journey to find that feeling today.
Love, Robbin
P.S. Speaking of new tastes. Didn’t we? My friend turned me on to the best breakfast. Blueberries, raspberries and raw almonds with a wee bit of maple syrup drizzled on top. Try it, you’ll thank me/her later!
