My values.

September 15, 2019

I don’t have secrets.

I don’t know what I don’t know.

I keep promises.

I love hard. So sometimes I hurt hard. And that’s just fine with me. If it bothers you, too bad because I can’t imagine life without loving hard.

I’m grateful for all of my life. All of it. The amazing and the really shitty stuff. Seriously I can find a way to be grateful for it all. Well, with that one exception. And you know who you are.

I’m fiercely loyal to my friends and family and I expect the same in return.

I learn from my mistakes.

I take really good care of my body. My muscles, my liver, my teeth, my skin, all of it. You just get one body in this life.

I live my life in the present. The past is over and the future is not mine to control.

I dress my best when I’m with others. And I iron my clothes. For dinners or traveling. I just think it’s more respectful. And elegant. I like elegant.

I trust everyone, until proven wrong. Unless you give me a bad feeling from the get go. You know that just happens sometimes.

I believe in a loving God, but I will never judge anyone for their personal beliefs. Unless they harm others intentionally, that belief system I will judge all day long.

I think this world of ours and the people in it are so beautiful. It’s complicated but I am in constant awe of it all. I mean flowers, we get flowers. And mountains and oceans. And sunshine and that smell of rain on sidewalks in the summer. We get that stuff for free.

That’s it. That’s all I’ve got.

Would you want to know the exact date of your death?

August 31, 2019

That was the question my son Tyler asked me and his sister while we spent a weekend together at Folly Beach. He’s a deep thinker like that. We all went back and forth.

“Yes, wait no.

I don’t know.

Maybe.”

Here’s where we netted out on this question: if we knew that exact date, we’d do things a bit differently. My daughter Logan, who loves to travel said, “Everyone says they take that great last amazing trip, but I’d  just want to be home with my family and friends.”

That about sums it up for me too.

This past weekend I spent three entire nights and four entire days with both my adult children. They actually have no clue what it means that they spent this kind of time with me. I try hard to give them the space they deserve these days. But I just had in my mind a few summer lazy days with just the three of us. Sitting on the beach, me cooking bacon and eggs in the morning with absolutely no agenda...

Is there anything better than warm coffee, eggs and bacon at the beach? Oh and ice cream in the afternoon.

On the beach one day, I took a break from reading and just went and stood quietly about ankle deep in the ocean. I love the feeling of the waves crashing over my ankles. It makes me feel strong and connected to the earth. Then the waves went back out, sucking the sand beneath my feet out into the ocean, making me unsteady. In that moment of unsteady, I knew exactly what to do. Find more solid ground.

It was a good life reminder.

When you find yourself ungrounded, just find steadier ground.

Find your people, find your family. Hold them close.

I want to be a cowgirl and other thoughts from Montana.

August 18, 2019

Yup. I want to get up in the morning, pull on my jeans and my boots and hat. I want to jump on my horse and ride for hours on my ranch stopping and taking note when a fence needs repair. At night, I’ll sip tea by a big fire and dream of doing it all over again in the morning.

 It’s hard to explain the vast beauty that is Montana. I almost didn’t go. Caught a little lung infection thing that knocked me back a bit, but last Friday I made my mind up to just go. I packed some random stuff and set out for adventure.

 I met my new Project M friends at the Bozeman Airport. Project M is my friend John’s work to help creative people do something meaningful and legendary in a short two-week timeframe. It’s a time of learning and listening and new experiences and sharing with complete strangers and interesting experts who all want the same thing; to do work that matters. This is my second time as a Project M mentor. I’m excited to be a part of this moving forward.

 We went to Yellowstone and saw Big Bison. Lots of them. We were warned about Grizzly Bears and carried bear spray everywhere, but never saw one. Montana is full of locals who wave on the road. Honking is not a thing in Montana. And everyone names their ranch cool things like CB Ranch and Long Horn Ranch and Black Cattle Ranch.

Naming the land is so romantic to me.

 But the vastness was emotional, at least for me. Todd Wilkinson spoke with us one day and he said “It’s the void that we are drawn to. The blank open spaces.” And that void is what got my emotions spinning wildly. One moment I was in complete awe and the next holding back tears.  I felt strong and brave and little and insignificant all at the same time.

 I felt so much.

 We sat around the fire pit one night and did this exercise called “spill your guts”. Everyone had to stand up and tell why they were there in an interesting and creative way.

 There are so many beautiful people on this planet. It’s easy to focus on the things we don’t like about humans and the damage we’re doing to our earth. But I have this belief that all people are good. Inside all of us is a greatness that is screaming to be set free. I saw that greatness in these people that night spilling our guts around the campfire. I saw kindness and compassion and pain and unbridled, courageous desire. You can get really close to people if you create the right atmosphere.

I heard this set of words at some point this week:

The world needs less conflict and more intimacy.

Don’t you love that? How might we create more intimacy in our lives? How can we fill our lives up with so much intimacy that conflict doesn’t stand a chance?

 I made up my mind on this trip to go for more intimacy in my life. To find more ways to connect with others over the coming months and create a lifelong love of really listening hard and getting to know my friends and my family even more deeply. I’m going to meet all my neighbors and go hiking with strangers more often.

I’m going to build fires in my own backyard.

But I’m not going to lie. I’m absolutely exhausted. The little bug which came with a really high fever before I left and the long, but really happy days of this last week have taken a bit of a toll on my body. I’m ready to rest. I’m giving myself permission to rest. Oh, and I twisted my ankle on a hike in Yellowstone. OUCH. That didn’t help my tiredness either. Walking on a bum leg is hard work. I wore my hiking boots with a dress and I tied a pink bandana around my twisted ankle on my way home. And I got a nose bleed in the airport, so I got blood on my dress. This handsom young man in the Denver airport tapped me on the shoulder and said, “I don’t know your story lady, but you’ve got some serious street cred.” Made me laugh really hard. Apparently boots, banadanas and blood give you street cred in Denver.

Truth told, this “gap year” as I am calling it has been a really intense year for me. I sold my company. I lost my sweet Mom. I’ve faced, like we all do I suppose, a few tough personal challenges.

I’ve also been traveling a lot lately and I remembered on this trip that I used to call my Mom and just talk with her on my long layovers. I missed her voice on this trip. When my mom died, I found this little list on a pale, yellow sheet of paper. My mom was a list maker. And on that list, she wrote down all the places she had been. The list was short and random. Los Angeles, Dallas, Germany… About nine places in total. She understood that travel was important. Even though her list was short. it mattered dearly to her.

I get that. I do.

 So, I’ll sign off by saying. If you get a chance to go to Montana, take it. So you can put it on your list. You can click through my photo gallery at the end of this post. (Yes, I figured out how to do that!)

 And if you’re reading this and want some company for dinner or a long walk or just a “spill your guts” conversation if you’re feeling lonesome in an airport. I am here. I’m here. Let’s do that.

It would mean a lot to me.

 OX, Robbin

Doing anything continuously has some magic to it.

July 27, 2019

 Those were the words a friend of mine used when I told him about my 21 days of yoga adventure.

On Saturday June 22, at 2pm I walked into Matt’s Summer Solstice two hour Yin Class at Greenville Yoga and something inside of me woke up. Hard to explain, but it felt like I had been sleep walking prior to that class. I went back the next day, chasing that feeling. Again, Matt’s Sunday afternoon yin yoga class. At the end of that class I made a decision.

I was going to do 21 straight days of yoga.  

I decided to write about my lessons learned doing yoga for 21 days straight. So here we go:

1.    You can do whatever you decide to do. Really, deciding is half the battle. I’m a big believer in setting little goals, tiny bets, to help create a life that fills me with joy. I can remember the first time I set foot in a yoga studio over nine years ago. It was time of transition and growth and ok, hurt and pain for me. That’s the gift of hurt and pain, they drive meaningful change. I remember lying in baby pose during those early days of yoga, most likely weeping to myself and saying, “If you do this for a year, something will change.” And boy did it. During that year and most of the next nine years, I grew in mental and physical strength. I did yoga about three times each week before work. But never for more than two days straight. I wanted to see how a daily practice would change me.

2.    Knowing what you want in life is half the success. Did you know that when people are asked what they want out of their lives, the number one answer is, “I don’t know.” So, know what you know. Seriously, take a moment and ask yourself what do I want. Personally, I know I want to feel good every single day of my life and that’s going to take effort on my part. In that two-hour yoga class, I felt a calmness that I knew I had to have in my life! Period. What are you longing for? What feelings do you chase?

3.    Showing up is all that matters. I love the little bowl of hair ties on the desk of Greenville Yoga. Makes me smile every single time I sign in. There’s actually research that says the number one reason women don’t work out or do yoga or take time to be active in any way is so simple; they don’t have a hair tie. So, don’t allow yourself to make excuses.

About day 15, my body is staring hurting a wee bit. Protesting really. But the lessons just kept coming: 

4.    When a goal becomes desire things really change. The other day when I was slipping into my yoga clothes and walking out the door I realized I didn’t “need” or “have to” go to class, I wanted to go. When desire drives you, the shift is magic.

5.    When you find a way to quiet your mind from all thoughts, you realize who you really are. You see everything with a different lens. Compassion, all compassion lives in our quiet and still mind. About day 16, my emotions started bubbling up to the surface. This is hard to put into words. But I cried. A lot. For no reason. Liz told me that grief is stored in the joints of the body. When I cried it felt like my whole body was crying. And that letting go of grief and guilt and shame and whatever it was is what was really beginning to quiet my mind.  

6.    There are days you will not want to go. And that’s okay too. It’s not about perfection. It never has been. Letting go of perfection is hard for me. I’m wired to push myself. The gift of truly learning how to let go is perhaps the biggest lesson I learned in my 21 days of yoga. In fact, when I was traveling for two days during those three weeks, I simply made a little mound of pillows and set myself up in a restorative pose and rested for twenty minutes. It was perfect.

7.    Lately I’ve been thinking about things I find astonishingly beautiful, like my love of flowers. All flowers are slightly imperfect and it’s that imperfection that makes them so lovely. Be kinder to others. No one is perfect. Everyone has a story. Be kinder to everyone you meet. Especially to yourself.

My friend was so right, “Doing anything continuously has magic to it.” What have you learned from doing anything continuously? What magic have you found?

With Joy and Love, Robbin

112 degrees and time to play without phones.

July 19, 2019

I’ve decided to call this time in my life my gap year. I’m just exploring and opening space in my life for new things to emerge.

And it feels really great.

This week I went to Tuscan. I don’t think I’d like living in Arizona, because I love trees, but I love the air there. And the vastness of it all.

My friend Courtenay and I spent three nights just relaxing and treating ourselves to some rest and great, great food at this amazing resort called Miraval.

We slack lined, that was fun. And harder than it looks.

We went to this three-hour session with a man named Wyatt Webb. He has a course called, “it’s not about the horse.” I can’t explain it exactly but I had some seriously wonderful aha moments with Wyatt. Here are some things from the top of my mind that I walked away learning.

1.     There’s a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is “I did something and I’m sorry.” Shame is there is “Something wrong with me”. Shame is a horrible thing that only humans feel. I think a life without shame is a life that’s 100% free. I want that. My word lately is FREE. Sit with a horse for three hours and yoy’ll understand that they don’t feel shame. They don’t care what you think about them. At all. Good lesson.

2.     We all have stories. And we’re all super hard on ourselves. I’m letting that go. Bit by bit all of those “hard on myself” days are behind me.

I put my phone on pause during this trip. I didn’t take a single photo except this one on the ride to the resort which is not that great. Someone this week said in taking photos of everything as it happens we don’t leave space for making memories. I like the idea of leaving space for memories. I’m going to do that more often.

We ran into some terrible delays on the way home and got stuck in a super crowded ATL airport. I can remeber a time when airplane delays made my blood pressure soar. And this just didn’t. Maybe I’m finally learning that I can’t control much of anything, especially the weather.

Or maybe I am just learning to be presesnt. (Thanks Courtenay!)

Maine and sunlight dancing in windows and friends.

July 13, 2019

I had the most magical two or three days in Maine, full of laughter and sunshine and romance and friends. I’ve been thinking a lot about romance lately. How we define it as that thing between one man and one woman. That’s nice and I never want to give that up, but there’s so much romance found in all of life.

On the way to Maine, I listened as a 70 something man flirted sweetly and openly with a 70 something married woman who was flattered and giggly. It made my heart happy.

My long time friend John picked me up late Monday night and we drove in the dark catching up and sharing our stories. We arrived at the simpliest little airbnb in Belfast. One of my favorite things about it was this. A dishtowel as art in the closet. Seriously we NEED art in closets too.

I also met John’s lady friend Beth for the first time and I just fell in love with her. We’re a lot alike and we felt like instant friends. We all have this idea to create an amazing community for people in the third act of their lives (like us). People who don’t want to live ordinary lives and see this chapter being full of newness and adventure. Beth and John sure do, they’re traveling around the country in a tricked out van, just exploring the #vanlife like a couple of lovesick twenty somethings.

We agreed that our common bond is simple; we never want to lose the ablity to be astonished. Thanks Milton!

I’m so driven by this idea. Is it possible that the best really is in front of me? I’ve had an incredible life, full and interesting. But what if the goal is to really just let go of all expectations? How much courage can I muster? Am I still wiling to really get out of my comfort zone and make mistakes and take chances?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Our discussions made my heart swell into the wee hours of the night. I mean think of it, is it possible to create a lifestyle brand for 50+ that is both inspirational and aspirational? Well, we’re going to try. John, Beth and I all come from branding and storytelling and design and commuity building careers. We love making things happen.

Can we? Will we? More to come on the Live Wrong Brand. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, do something that scares you. And tell me about it. Inspire me. I need your ideas.

OX, Robbin

Sunshine and play dates.

June 29, 2019

Somestimes you just need the sun, a golf cart, some boiled peanuts, a beer in a paper bag and a sweet friend.

I’m finally getting caught up with my writing here. I want to make a note or observation about every adventure I go on during this next part of my life. My adventures are solo at the moment, but hopefully not for long. I’m enjoying flying solo for a while to be honest. I had a weird relationship experience that lasted about eight months, not worth recounting, so I am intentionally taking some time away from being in a relationship. Feels right for now.

My first solo trip was to the sweetest little airbnb on Folly Beach, right out side of Charleston, SC.

There’s a photo of my tiny little cottage on a hill on an island at the bottom of this post.

I’m having trouble with photo placement, can you tell? Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out.

Anyway, if you look really close on the roof of the cottage, you’ll see a steeple. This place was an old church on the island at one point. Built in the shape of a cross. Brilliant idea for a small home. I wish is was mine and it got me dreaming about a place at the beach. I’d love LOVE to make that happen. So maybe I will!

My friend Libby came over on Friday and we played all day long. We walked and talked on the beach. We ate tacos at an outside place for lunch. We rented a golf cart and road all over the island. No street was left untouched. We pretended money was simply not a thing and dreamed about which house we’d buy. We stopped at this little store called Berts. They offer free coffee all day long. We met some friendly people that lived on the island including an architect that was building some amazing houses. We toured one in progress. It was just amazing. He had an eye for modern design that connected with the old structures he was replacing. We had the best wood burning stove burgers at this little shack of a place.

It was as if all our responsiblities had melted away with the sun.

Isn’t that the magic of summer. For a while we can just play.

Unexpected romance in New York City.

June 29, 2019

On June 2, I took myself on a three day “date” to the city. Just to eat and play and roam. I had so much fun and adventure.

I had the most amazing, seriously the most amazing, facial at a place called Rescue Spa. I left so relaxed and happy. I went uptown to shop for a while after that (barefaced and all) . Then I decided to spend the afternoon at the Museum of Modern Art. But first I wanted lunch at The Modern. I decided to get a cab instead of walk. Well, earlier that day I’d put my credit card and ID in a tiny little leather cross bag. And guess what, my card didn’t work in the cab. My debit card was in the hotel. Yikes. The driver finally let me go without paying. I think they’re actually supposed to call the police if you can’t pay. I need to remember to pay that forward.

I had the best cold soup at The Modern and a delicious glass of wine.

There was a really nice looking man who appeared to be about my age sitting right next to me. He wore a crisp white shirt and had a magical accent. We started a conversation and that conversation turned into hours. Hours. I forgot all about going to the museum. He was just so interesting. He’s from Isreal and lives in LA. We agreed to stay in touch and be friends. And so he’s become a pen pal now. We email often, just little parts of our lives. He has a lady friend so not exactly romantic, but actually it is romantic and rather old fashioned. Meeting someone you like so much just by chance, becoming pen pals. And sharing little insights about life.

I love building friendships through writing. Don’t you? it just feels so intimate. I hope Moshe (that’s his name) and I will stay friends for a long time to come.

I told a friend that meeting Moshe felt like a wonderful wink from the Universe. Sometimes that’s all we need, a little wink to wake us up to the romance of life. And all of life is romance. Something I can lose sight of at times.

Time.

February 24, 2019

So Hello.

This is my very first post on my personal blog. Yikes.

AND hooray!

Last year about this time, I decided to sell my busines. Quietly and without fanfare (my choice), it all became official at the end of 2018 when I e-signed a few documents at my kitchen counter one cold rainy morning.

Whew, I can’t explain how weird it is after years and years (and did I say years) of working and dreaming and growing a business to just one day — well, NOT do that. Don’t get me wrong, I still care about the team at Brains on Fire and will always play a role in it’s growth. But I am not as involved in the day to day work.

I’ve been writting for over thirteen years at Brains on Fire. In my amazing career as Courageous President at Brains on Fire, I’ve also co-authored two books, spoken all over the nation and even in other parts of the world. I’ve met so many incredible people and worked alongside some of the brightest, shiniest people on the planet.

I miss that some days. Most days to be truthful. Honestly I do.

I woke up this morning and realized that I also REALLY miss writing. And I can change that. I don’t have to miss that.

Writing’s like a muscle, you use it or you lose it.

And I don’t want to lose it…

So here I am. Starting over. And thinking outloud in this new space. I will work on the name of this site soon. Robbinphillips.com is pretty freaking predictible and ordinary of me. Don’t you think? Hmmmm.

Ideas welcome.

I put this photo on my first post because I can honestly remember that time in my life so well. My two children were small and sweet and so full of joy. Life was busy in a way that makes time fly and sort of stand sill at the same time. In this photo I couldn’t even find the time to brush my hair much less dream about life as I know it now.

Strange how that works out.

That tiny little fact scares me and excites me when I look at this snapshot of a happy memory in time.

I’m so ready to let desire simply drive my days, to learn to relax and play a bit. To wander. To create more beautiful memories. And make more amazing relationships.

I am NOT ready to retire, but I am ready to UNwind a bit. And find some new adventures.

So. Want to come with me?

I think it will be fun! And promise to share it all. The good and the bad. The happy and the sad. You ready?

Let’s GO!

Be the feather.

March 18, 2022

I’ve been struggling a bit lately with an issue that’s got me searching. Maybe the words for it are more like this:

I’m seeking to understand how to let go of some things I simply can’t control.

By the way, the older you get the more you realize that you can’t really control much in life. And geez, after this pandemic you’d have to be a jelly fish not to feel a wee bit of “not in control” anxiety, right?

This issue, I’ll spare you from the details because that’s not my point, is something that is absolutely not mine to control. I know that with my head but in my heart, I really, really want to have a say so in how things go. Ever been there? So anyway, I’ve been researching “letting go” like I’m writing a senior thesis on it.

I’m hard wired to seek knowledge when I’m stumped.

Today I had a conversation with someone I admire a lot and she said something that was just an ah-ha moment for me. She said, “Do you remember in the movie Forest Gump how this feather would just randomly blow past Forest? I said, “Yes. Sort of.” Then she said…

 “Be the feather. You can’t be the wind.”

Don’t you love that idea? Truly the only time we feel angst is when we want to control something that we’re not able to control. Sounds so simple but it’s hard, hard work to accept this lack of control.

At least it is for me.

My mother used to have two simple responses to almost any concern or worry I’d share with her.  

1.     This too shall pass.

2.     And you’re stronger than you think you are.

Sometimes her steady answers to any concern (large or small) used to… well, annoy me. Especially when I was in those “everything is a crisis” teen years. But lately I’ve come to realize how brilliant she was to repeat these phrases like mantras whenever confronted with a troubling issue. Because if there’s two things I’ve learned about this life we’re given, it’s these:

Everything does change and we’re all much, much stronger than we think we are.

I just loved being reminded about Forest Gump, which then led me to reflect fondly of my mom. Forest never talked himself out of any opportunity. He walked into every situation with the eagerness and empathy of a child. He was like the feather, simply being guided and energized and delighted by the wind. He didn’t fight its force or lack of force or scream when the wind didn’t blow the way he wanted it to. He just saw joy and comfort and opportunity in the randomness of the ride.

So be the feather.

You cannot be the wind.

 P.S. One other random fact, did you know that in Native American culture a feather falling in your path is a sign that you’re on the right path. I love when it happens to me. I see it like a wink from the Universe. Life holds a lot of magic if you keep your eyes open.

What if we all call each other sweetheart today?

Posted February 1, 2022

I don’t go through a lot of drive throughs. I don’t like fast foods. I do like coffee. This morning when I went through a drive through to get a warm coffee before my 9am meeting, the lady gave me my coffee and she said the sweetest thing, it made my heart smile to be honest.

She said, “Here you go Sweetheart.”

I told her how she made my day with her kindness and she said, “We all need to be kinder to each other, don’t we?”

Then this afternoon a very nice plumber came to look at my water heater. Long story short, but I haven’t had a hot shower in a week. Cold showers in the winter are not for sissies. Damn near killed me to wash my hair yesterday. I will say washing your hair in nothing but super icy cold water makes it so shiny. Anyway, when this man gave me the quote for the new system. He said, “I hate to be the bearer of this sort of news sweetheart because it’s going to be pricey.” Ugh it was.

But again, that word. Sweetheart.

Those two experiences got me thinking. What if we looked at everyone and I mean everyone as if they were precious to us? So precious that we wanted to call them Sweetheart.

Last week I attended a mentorship coaching session. The presenter said that when we meet new people, we do this thing called “laddering”. We decide if that new person is a rung up or a rung down from us. The goal is NOT to do that. When you think of it, the people we admire the most don’t do that. They don’t make us feel they are better than we are.

I have a friend in NYC who runs a large international brand. He’s so crazy smart and cool and well mannered it could be almost intimidating.  I tell him whenever I see him that anytime I get the chance to be in his company, I’ll take it. And you know why? It’s simply because of how he makes me feel. He makes me feel valued. He never makes me feel “less than”.

So, let’s do it. Even if you don’t say it out loud look at everyone as if they deserved to be called Sweetheart. Not in a creepy way, but in a real human being way. Let’s do it and see what happens….

P.S. I love you madly. If you took the time to read this far, I really hope you know.

On being alone.

Posted on September 16, 2021

A little over two years ago I found myself on my own. After a marriage of 19 years and back-to-back long-term relationships (with just under six months between), I was basically in committed relationships for all of my adult life. I have no regrets about that. Life is meant to be shared. And all of my past relationships have been for the most part healthy and positive. So, when I made a solid decision to stay single for a bit, I have to stay it was a bit of a tug of war. Okay, okay. It was a full-on guns a-blazing civil war in my heart and head.

Will I? Can I? Will I die in my sleep?

That’s a bit dramatic but you get my drift. In truth, it was the pandemic that helped me stay the course and learn to be alone. Dumb luck I suppose.

I have to say this time on my own has been such a gift. It’s made me a better person. I can say that with certainty.

Because I’ve learned to really love me.

Sounds VERY weird (and feels a bit odd) to say that out loud, so let me explain.

I’ve always THOUGHT I had healthy dose of self-esteem and confidence and I believe I really do. It’s served me well in life. I trust my judgements and my decisions. But self-love, I’ve come to understand, is different in some very important ways.

You hear it a lot; “Fall in love with yourself. The only way to truly love others is to love yourself first.” I used to be a complete eye roller over those kinds of self-help phrases. But here’s the truth, falling in love with you is a longer process than falling head over heels for someone else. It takes a lot of hard work. It’s a bit more complex. And in my case, it took being completely ALONE. But it is time well spent.

Alone is a word a lot of us fear. Because frankly when we find ourselves alone, we tend to wonder if we’re unlovable.  And that’s downright frightening. By the way, is anyone actually unlovable? Is that even possible?

So, what is self-love in my opinion?

Self-love is getting still enough to really listen to the words you use in your head. Don’t judge them, just listen. For as long as it takes. Listen to them until you start to question them. I won’t share the crazy, silly details of my own self talk, but I can assure you of this; they were words I wouldn’t say to anyone else on the planet. They were harsh and unkind. I had to listen to them so long that they started to feel absurd and laughable. For me, that’s when those words began to change. They changed when I could laugh at them. Only then could I replace them with kinder words. Those kinder words are my habit now. And I don’t miss those unkind words at all.

And here’s where it starts to get really cool. Because I am kinder to me, I see the world differently. The compassion I have for myself now extends to others and that has made a lot of my relationships even better. It has made them more intimate. Even my relationships with complete strangers. And we all need more intimacy in our lives.

I also have an easier time drawing lines in the sand. When I see red flags in another person’s behavior, I just quietly walk away. I no longer have time for drama and bad behavior. That feels good. That feels right.

I’ve also embraced my inner five-year old during this alone time. Socks don’t match. Cool. Messy hair, I just don’t care. As a perfectionist and someone who was crazy hard driven my entire life, finding this happy go lucky kid inside of me has been so wonderful. I play a whole lot more. I mean really play. I paint with wild abandon and dance like no one’s watching… and usually no one is watching. I lay in the grass and stare at clouds if I want to. Grass stains come out. I make mistakes and say, oh well. This is true self-love people. Finding and loving and protecting that five-year old who still lives in all of us. I mean seriously, have you ever met a five-year old you didn’t love right away? (Even though you both can’t read, I am talking about you Emmie and Liv!)

One last side benefit, I never force things to happen anymore. I just let them happen. It doesn’t mean I’ve lost my drive. I haven’t. To tell the truth, I’m not sure why or how this benefit came about but it did. And it’s delightful.

So, there you have it. My lessons learned from not just living alone but truly BEING ALONE. And you know what, I can’t wait to see what happens next.

OX, Robbin

P. S. I stumbled on this little set of words in a book today. They made me smile. Love is a choice. And I choose love. I quit my job, sold my car and choose to run away with my own heart…

Home.

March 31, 2021

I almost sold my house last week.

I found and had an instant crush on a three-story townhouse in downtown Greenville. So, I put a crazy price on my house on Zillow (Greenville’s market is so hot right now) and I had a ton of interest. Including a man with cash (so he said) who called me sitting outside my house at 8am exactly 12 hours after I listed it.  My intention was to get an offer on my house and put one in on the new one.  But somewhere along the way of showing my house for exactly one day, I stopped myself.

I’m a mover.

I don’t get attached to things like houses. I like change. In fact, I really LOVE change. So, what was this sudden desire to move all about?  It felt so different than any of the other house crushes that lead me to make an actual move.

For starters, there was nothing about this new “crush” house that needed me. It was brand new. There was not one single project begging for my help. It was also almost twice the space of my current house. And big houses have never been my thing. What sparked this desire?

Well, lately it feels like I’ve been searching for Home. And that’s what stopped me in my tracks.

Because Home is not a place. On some level we all know that, right? Home is a feeling. 

I was searching for a feeling.

I read a lot. All kinds of books. I read a lot of poetry. And spiritual teachings. There is some spiritual thought that this ongoing search of ours for Home is merely our search for God.

I honestly buy that.

But I also know that Home is when my grown son stops by randomly for a short visit and quietly hugs me before leaving.

Home is an old blanket. A comfortable chair. A mug of warm coffee.

It’s my daughter confiding in me on a random Tuesday evening.

It’s my kid’s friends asking for advice.

It’s when friends say “love you” at the end of quick visits or conversations. And knowing they mean it.

Home is when my walking friend hugs me when she sees me and says, “Hello honey”.

It’s when a long-time friend looks me deeply in the eye and speaks their truth. Even when it hurts to say it out loud.

It’s when my daughter’s new Mother in Law (and my new friend) texts me an article and says, “This made me think of you”.

It’s a history lesson from a friend who grew up in Israel explaining over dinner why Israel is so important to Jewish people. And I finally get it with my ears and my heart.

It’s when my former long-term business partner calls me on a Monday Morning to just say hello.

Or business friends who email to say, “Hey just thinking of you, what’s up?”.

Home is set of words or a poem that touch me so deeply, I can’t wait to share those words with others.

Home is a sweet town I still feel I’m still discovering.

It’s a message that says, “Making soup, come get some!”

It’s an electric blanket or healthy drinks friends bring to share with me when I’m sick with a fever. (Don’t even get me started about my strangely long reaction to my second COVID vaccine. We’d be here all day.)
It’s music.

It’s laughter around my 30-year old dining room table.

It’s texting someone, “Can you talk for a minute?” and getting an instant phone call back.

It’s group texts that make me laugh so hard I have to pull my car over and join in.

I suppose this “Feelings of Home” list works sort of like a “Grateful” List, but I think it’s a bit deeper really. I’ll keep writing these feelings down for a while.

This might not be my last house. But I don’t need to move right now.

I’m Home.

I just had to get still and remember what Home feels like for me. 

P.S. Even as I write this, I know that I am so lucky. Some people, many people actually, don’t have a safe place to be. They might not have warm coffee or a blanket or choices. And that makes me sad. I’m also aware that the very fact I do have choices makes me quite privileged. Some people also might not feel they have one friend, much less many who care deeply about them. So, do me favor and be a friend to someone today. Anyone. Just randomly call or email or text them and remind them of the feeling of being loved. Of being Home. We’re living in a super strange world. And I believe we need each other now more than ever. And when I consider it, being needed also feels a lot like Home…

Big dreams.

At one point in my life, having beautiful fresh flowers in my house was only a dream…

March 14, 2021

Sometimes a wave of panic settles over me. It’s true. Out of freaking nowhere. The other day I finally sat with this wave of discomfort long enough to realize where it was coming from. I actually felt the discomfort melt over my body.

Then I had an aha moment.

That discomfort comes when I’m not dreaming. When I try and shield myself and well, mostly my heart, by having zero expectations. Zero expectation is a great way to prevent disappointment and hurt but it’s also  a sad, joyless way to live.

We must dream. We must give ourselves permission to dream.

Evidence of dreams are all around us. Almost everything around us is a product of someone’s dream come true.

Have you ever flown in a plane (it’s been a while for some of us, I know), but have you ever just felt a sense of magic as this large plane full of people and their baggage lifts off for the skies? I do. Every. Single. Time. That plane was someone’s dream.

Ordering grocery’s online and having them delivered to your home in a matter of hours, that was once only someone’s dream.

This past week, I walked my friend from LA around Greenville. This entire, magical little town was just someone’s dream at some point.

 When I was a young girl I was often called down for day dreaming. But to me it was as important to daydream as it was to drink water or to breath. When I was in college, I can still remember walking alone and dreaming of my own apartment. I dreamed of a job where I was needed, where I often said, “I can’t believe I get paid to do this!” And well, that happened for me. A lot. I also dreamed of owning property and making the places I owned better. I did that too. I know this sounds strange, but I dreamed about my kids, a son and a daughter LONG before I saw their faces in person. Long before I was even married. I dreamed of writing a book and like magic, two happened. I dreamed of traveling to interesting places. I dreamed of big happy, take your breath away and make your heart swell love. And close friendships that last and grow. I dreamed of soft white sheets and tasting food from fabulous chef’s kitchen. Sounds kind of silly to say that out loud but I did. I really did dream my life forward on a regular basis.  

 And I still do.  

I have dreams of living in another country for a while, learning to speak the language and meeting amazing new people. I dream of helping others the way others helped me when I was younger. And I still dream of big “make your heart swell” romance, love and adventure.

Let’s not let life and mistakes and fear ever take away our ability to dream. Dream bold and without apology. Because when you dream big, the Universe or God or whatever you happen to believe in, often adds in a few extra surprises. When you dream big, you feel more alive. And that’s how we’re supposed to live, with our eyes and hearts wide open to all that is possible.  When we dream, and our dreams come true we lead the way for others to do the same.

Dreaming is the start of everything.

What are you starting today? What are your wildest dreams? Write them down and put them in your back pocket. Take them out and read them often. Get really, really specific about them. Close your eyes and see them happening.

Because I can say with certainty, dreaming is the magic of life.

Hope and joy.

January 31, 2021

Do you ever wonder why we believe what we believe? I saw this beautiful truth posted online last week and it struck a chord.

We will always find evidence for what we choose to believe.

There’s actually a scientific name for this truth. Scientists have studied this fact for many years. I suppose to make sure their studies are not affected by it.

It’s called Confirmation Bias.

I have a friend, the therapist again, who often refers to me as Pollyanna. We joke that I have Pollyanna Syndrome. To be honest, I’ve been called Pollyanna for most of my life. I believe our thoughts are the one thing (maybe the only thing) we control.

Did you know Pollyanna was a very popular Children’s book written in 1913? It’s about this little girl who has to go live with her really stern Aunt in a dreary town after her parents die and instead of being sad, she plays The Glad Game. She sees the good in everything that comes her way . Maybe that was the early beginning of the power of positive thinking movement.

I believe this world of ours and the people in it are basically beautiful and good.

So, am I just playing The Glad Game? Am I constantly looking for evidence that the world is full of beauty and astonishment and the people in it are good and trustworthy? I have a friend, who believes HUMANS SUCK. And he finds evidence for that fact everywhere.

Hmmmm.

I did some research on this topic and found an interesting article on why positive thinking might be bad for us. The concept of “making lemons out of lemonade” is a lot of pressure according to the guy who wrote this article. He suggests as an alternative that we work hard at not labeling things BAD or GOOD. Everything, he offers, is neutral.

Well, that’s not truth in my humble opinion.

The other day, I wrote about spotting letters that spelled JOY. Someone had tossed them to the side of the road. Well, that same week when I was walking with my friend, we saw it again; a different set of letters, these were red, again spelling JOY. They were leaning against the side of someone’s house.

Then, then -- GET THIS!?! I subscribe to Notes from the Universe, and I got this:

Robbin, each challenge adds to the suspense, adds to the mystery, adds to the chaos, adds to the possibilities, adds to the romance, adds to the adventure, adds to the joy. 

And I say anything that adds to the joy should be embraced. 

 Cool? 

  The Universe

Is it just me, or do you see a common thread?

Maybe signs from the Universe are real? And even actual signs sometimes.

Last night, I had dinner with some friends that live on the other side of town, so I brought my PJs and we made it a sleep over. This morning on the long drive back home, I listened to an NPR show called To the Best of Our Knowledge. They were doing a show entirely about HOPE. You can listen to it here. And you should.

Well, I heard this set of words on that show:

HOPE = JOY for the future.

Again, JOY.

That word is following me everywhere!

So, I’ll just wrap up this very rambling set of words by saying...

Joy is everywhere.

Have you noticed? If not, go out looking for evidence for me today.

OX, Robbin