Home.

March 31, 2021

I almost sold my house last week.

I found and had an instant crush on a three-story townhouse in downtown Greenville. So, I put a crazy price on my house on Zillow (Greenville’s market is so hot right now) and I had a ton of interest. Including a man with cash (so he said) who called me sitting outside my house at 8am exactly 12 hours after I listed it.  My intention was to get an offer on my house and put one in on the new one.  But somewhere along the way of showing my house for exactly one day, I stopped myself.

I’m a mover.

I don’t get attached to things like houses. I like change. In fact, I really LOVE change. So, what was this sudden desire to move all about?  It felt so different than any of the other house crushes that lead me to make an actual move.

For starters, there was nothing about this new “crush” house that needed me. It was brand new. There was not one single project begging for my help. It was also almost twice the space of my current house. And big houses have never been my thing. What sparked this desire?

Well, lately it feels like I’ve been searching for Home. And that’s what stopped me in my tracks.

Because Home is not a place. On some level we all know that, right? Home is a feeling. 

I was searching for a feeling.

I read a lot. All kinds of books. I read a lot of poetry. And spiritual teachings. There is some spiritual thought that this ongoing search of ours for Home is merely our search for God.

I honestly buy that.

But I also know that Home is when my grown son stops by randomly for a short visit and quietly hugs me before leaving.

Home is an old blanket. A comfortable chair. A mug of warm coffee.

It’s my daughter confiding in me on a random Tuesday evening.

It’s my kid’s friends asking for advice.

It’s when friends say “love you” at the end of quick visits or conversations. And knowing they mean it.

Home is when my walking friend hugs me when she sees me and says, “Hello honey”.

It’s when a long-time friend looks me deeply in the eye and speaks their truth. Even when it hurts to say it out loud.

It’s when my daughter’s new Mother in Law (and my new friend) texts me an article and says, “This made me think of you”.

It’s a history lesson from a friend who grew up in Israel explaining over dinner why Israel is so important to Jewish people. And I finally get it with my ears and my heart.

It’s when my former long-term business partner calls me on a Monday Morning to just say hello.

Or business friends who email to say, “Hey just thinking of you, what’s up?”.

Home is set of words or a poem that touch me so deeply, I can’t wait to share those words with others.

Home is a sweet town I still feel I’m still discovering.

It’s a message that says, “Making soup, come get some!”

It’s an electric blanket or healthy drinks friends bring to share with me when I’m sick with a fever. (Don’t even get me started about my strangely long reaction to my second COVID vaccine. We’d be here all day.)
It’s music.

It’s laughter around my 30-year old dining room table.

It’s texting someone, “Can you talk for a minute?” and getting an instant phone call back.

It’s group texts that make me laugh so hard I have to pull my car over and join in.

I suppose this “Feelings of Home” list works sort of like a “Grateful” List, but I think it’s a bit deeper really. I’ll keep writing these feelings down for a while.

This might not be my last house. But I don’t need to move right now.

I’m Home.

I just had to get still and remember what Home feels like for me. 

P.S. Even as I write this, I know that I am so lucky. Some people, many people actually, don’t have a safe place to be. They might not have warm coffee or a blanket or choices. And that makes me sad. I’m also aware that the very fact I do have choices makes me quite privileged. Some people also might not feel they have one friend, much less many who care deeply about them. So, do me favor and be a friend to someone today. Anyone. Just randomly call or email or text them and remind them of the feeling of being loved. Of being Home. We’re living in a super strange world. And I believe we need each other now more than ever. And when I consider it, being needed also feels a lot like Home…