Quiet and Peace.

My sweet grandson trying to figure out how his new dump truck is made.

It’s 5am and I can’t sleep.

I’ve had a ton on my mind lately.

My son had to have very major surgery this summer and it’s been so hard to watch him suffer.

He’s handling it well and I believe he’s going to be fine, it’s just taken a lot longer than anyone expected. He’s had an amazing team of healthcare professionals. Seriously, there are some healthcare rock stars in our world. And his spirits are good. We are lucky and grateful.

My sister has been ill and has had surgery this summer too.

Her love of life continues to amaze me and her friends. And again, the care from her doctors has been stunning to witness.

My brother has Parkinson’s. And is dealing with the changes that has tossed him in his life.

His calm steadiness impresses the hell out of me.

But here’s a crazy kick in the pants.

I have found slso myself in physical pain. Something I’ve managed to dodge most of my life. My left shoulder hurts like the dickens. It’s nerve pain from a problem in my spine and my wonderful doctor (who is also my good friend) and I are working on a plan but in the meantime, it’s keeping me awake and honestly has me crying at the drop of a hat. If you come up behind me and say BOO, I’m likely to flood you with tears. So seriously, don’t do that.

Stress on top of stress I suppose.

They say you can get used to anything. And I suppose I’ve seen that at work in my life and the lives of my friends and family.

But I’m really struggling to get use to this pain in my shoulder. Which is such a sissy thing of me to say. Especially knowing what my son and sister and brother (and others among us) have been dealing with.

 It’s funny. I know I have less living in front of me than behind me. And there is a calmness to that in a way. But also, there’s a sense of urgency.

Anyone else feel that tension?

I was talking to the sweet man I love the other day and I said, “I meant to get a degree from Harvard. And win the Pulitzers prize.”

He simply said, “You better get cracking sweetie”.

Then I blurted the truth out loud to him, “Really all I want now is a quiet, peaceful life”.

There it was-- the truth was there all this time. No more striving hard. I just want to get very quiet and look for peaceful ways to spend my time. That is what I want now. Maybe it is all I’ve ever wanted.

When I sold my company, I thought I would struggle with what to do. And with having a sense of purpose and identity. But that didn’t happen. I took up writing and painting and got involved with some community things I care about. And I still do some branding work with my friends. I exercise a lot. Something I didn’t always make time for to be honest.

It’s been fun. 

And because I am so incredibly lucky... I found crazy big love late in life. I still get butterflies when he walks in a room.

Yet here I am pouting about a painful shoulder. I am pouting a lot.

So. In the effort of trying to turn this bad attitude around and focus on something else this morning I decided to think of all the things that really bring me comfort. And bring peace and quiet to my soul.

What you focus on expands, right?

 Okay, here is my list, let’s see if this helps.

1.     I have this heating pad that’s magic. There is nothing like the warmth of the sun (or a heating pad when the sun isn’t up) to bring you comfort.

2.     My grandson brings me so much comfort. Seeing the world through his fresh eyes has just been such a gift. He’s delighted by so many little things. He reminds me that a slow trip to the grocery or to get an ice cream or a new dump truck is sometimes absolute magic.

3.     The man I love. I won’t go into long mushy details about this because I’ve made a choice to be rather private when it come to my personal life, but having someone to share and witness this thing called life with is a gift. I never, ever take him for granted. He brings me laughter and adventure and comfort.

4.     My close friends. Man, I got on the luck bus when it comes to friends. I have so many strong and loving connections in my life. It makes me tear up just thinking of them all. I don’t mean surface friends; I mean “ride or die” people. Seriously, right now at 5:30am I could think of at least six, maybe ten people who would not bat an eye if I called them to talk. Oh. And I have recently reconnected with some childhood friends. What a surprise gift that has been this year. We’ve been sharing old memories and photos and joys and sorrows. And making a few plans to gather over the coming months. It’s good. Friends (and family who are also friends) are magic. If you don’t have enough, go looking for some more. Trust me, there’s someone out there who needs a friend, and you just might be it. Find them and never let them go.

5.     A simple, cozy home that is full of things I love. I am not a “thing” person. Things don’t impress me or bring me happiness. In fact, too much stuff makes me anxious. If you know, you know. But I do love a soft blanket, a fireplace on a cold day, a marathon Netflix session, a long soaking  warm bubble bath, art that we’ve collected over the years, our screened in porch during a rain storm or late at night, my little struggling garden, our bird feeders right outside the door, the way the water runs through the pipes of our 100 year old house when someone showers or flushes the toilet, my closet full of colorful clothes (and lots of white blouses), my mix matched plates that make setting a table more fun, my little coasters from Italy, my pjs, a ton of books that remind me that reading is comfort beyond measure.

Whew, that really worked or maybe it was the heading pad or the 1200 mg of Tylenol coursing through my veins. Because, well… I feel much, much better now.

If you’re reading this long ramble this morning, I hope it inspires you to make your own little list of comforting things. And know, I love you madly. This old world of ours needs all of us loving each other hard.

So be that love out in the world today. Comfort someone. And most of all give yourself permission to be comforted. I’m declaring this International Comfort Day. Okay, you with me? Let’s just stop our complaining and well, let’s do it.

With Joy, Robbin